Begin Again
by GloryMorgan
Summary: Six years after Emily moved to Manchester with her family, Naomi is brought face to face with the redhead again. Hurtful words were said, and life threw a curveball or two, but can that really keep them apart? Or will they work through the pain of their past and the struggles of their future and just be. (AU after the lake scene)
1. Chapter 1: Naomi

**A/N- I HATE NAMING THINGS**

**Soo here we go, New story time!**

**i'm posting this now because i'm SERIOUSLY struggling with the OSAAT epilogue and i don't want you guys to think i like died or forgot about you or anything. I'm still here, i'm TRYING to figure out what to put in the epilogue, and i'm also 18k words into writing this tale which i hope you'll all enjoy.**

**Anywho, on with it yeah? This one is canon until the lake scene, and then it goes all AU on us and starts off six years after that lovely scene. **

**So, go ahead, read it, love it, hate it, do whatever you feel like I don't care. (but please love it cause that would make me a happy Morgan :)) just so you know.. the first time I typed my name right there I spelled it wrong...**

**Okay then.**

**OH and this is going to be alternating POV's just so ya know :)**

**Disclaimer: I STILL DON'T OWN SKINS DAMNIT**

* * *

**NAOMI**

"'scuse me, sorry," I said, pushing my way through the large crowd of people trying to enter and exit the train station. When my friendly approach failed to work for a group of dirty men who thought it appropriate to stop walking in the middle of the walkway, I changed my expression to my best Campbell glare(patent pending) and forcefully shoved my way through them, "can you _please _get the fuck out of my way?" I said loudly when another guy stepped in front of me. He turned around to glare at me, before probably thinking better of it and stepping to the side.

I pushed the rest of my way through the crowd and sighed in relief when I finally made it onto the platform where the train would be arriving shortly. I walked over to my usual bench and pulled my phone out as I sat down. My already irritable mood only worsened when I saw a text message flashing on the screen.

**_James_**

**_Hey blondie, trains running a bit late, be there shortly. _**

I groaned in frustration and shoved my phone back into my pocket. Stupid fucking train never seemed to work in my favour. In an attempt to calm myself down, and make the time go faster, I decided to people watch. I did that more often than I'd like to admit, but I almost couldn't help myself. I loved watching little parts of peoples lives, wondering what they were doing, where they were going, or what brought them to where they were.

A balding man caught my eye. He was chasing after a clearly distressed woman, an annoyed but affectionate look on his face. He caught up to her just as she was about to walk into the toilets and grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him. An argument ensued, probably about him being a prick judging by the anger in the woman's face and the amount of hand gestures she was using. She looked about ready to hit him, but then he said something and her expression softened the slightest bit. Just as he lifted his arm to caress her face, a shock of bright red hair walking out of the door behind them caught my eye. My heart stalled in my chest, I hadn't seen hair like that since I was sixteen. Dread and hope simultaneously washed through my body, fighting to tell my brain what it should be thinking. Hope won out, and I found myself craning my neck to get a better look, praying that it was the girl I had longed to see for almost six years.

The redhead looked to her right for a few moments before turning and walking toward me. I froze in place, unable to even smile, as I watched those familiar brown eyes searching the corridor. I never thought I'd see them again, and I surely didn't expect to forget how to breathe if I did.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked the same, yet different completely. Her hair was even brighter than it had been back then, and she had her fringe swept to the side instead of straight across her forehead. She still had the same perfect skin and eyes full of warmth, but she looked older, more mature. And if it was possible, even more beautiful than she had in college.

She was walking my direction, but was still at least twenty meters away and hadn't yet noticed me. I wondered if she would recognise me. My hair was still blonde, but it was longer, and though I didn't look old, I looked different than I had last time I saw her. More like the adult I had become. I was too busy wondering about what she might think of me to realise that her eyes had locked with mine. She was frozen in the corridor, staring at me, and neither of us could look away.

After a few agonising moments, with a million different emotions flashing through those brown eyes, she slowly moved toward me, her posture cautions and her expression weary.

"Naomi?" She asked, her voice as husky as ever. It sent a shiver down my spine. I nodded my head and stood up, knowing I wouldn't be able to get a word out of my mouth. I watched as her eyes roamed over my face, then down my body before settling back on my own. She wasn't perving, just more or less trying to figure out if I was really there.

"In the flesh," I finally managed to choke out, giving her a small smile, "I never thought I'd see you back in Bristol," I said after a few moments of awkward silence, she nodded her head, brow furrowed.

"Never really planned on coming back," She replied, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, "What are you doing here? Visiting your mum?"

"Ah no," I said, "I live here."

"Oh, I thought you would have been out of here and off to save the world by now."

"Yeah well," I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck as I started to feel uncomfortable, "you know, life happened and all."

She smiled weakly and nodded, my heart jumped in my chest. I didn't know what it was about her, but with one smile she already had me wanting to do anything I could to see it again.

"So what brings you to this glorious city?" I asked when she started looking like she was going to run away. I didn't care what we talked about, but I seeing her at all felt too good to be true, I wasn't ready to let her leave yet.

"Katie doesn't really have room for me anymore so I came to live with my parents."

"Your parents live here?"

"Yeah, they moved back when James went to Uni last autumn."

I nodded my head, "I never would have pegged you as one to stay home with mum and dad. I always imagined you'd be exploring the world as soon as you got the chance."

"I did for a while actually, went all over Europe and Asia. But that got expensive, and now I've got no money, no job, and no house, so I figured I'd settle down and start growing up."

"Suppose everyone has to eventually right?" She chuckled and nodded before her expression went serious. I could tell she wanted to say something, and she opened her mouth to speak before quickly shutting it and moving her eyes to look at some random object behind me instead of at my face.

"What have you been doing the last, what is it now, five years?" She asked, "Go off to uni? Travel the world? Fall in love?" I scoffed and looked down at my feet.

"None of the above," I sighed, "lived with mum until I was twenty-one, and been working in a law firm for the past year and a half."

"Lawyer eh?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. I laughed and shook my head.

"Secretary," I clarified, "Not much more I can do with my sever lack of higher education."

"What, you didn't go to uni? At all?" I shook my head and her eyes widened, "Wow, I really thought you'd be the first one of us too hightail it out of here. You always seemed so eager to go."

"I was."

"Then why didn't you?"

I opened my mouth, about to explain to her the path I _never _thought my life would take, when an excited high pitched voice broke through the noise of the station.

"Mummy!" A small girl shouted. I looked behind Emily, a smile immediately forming on my face when I spotted the small four year old girl running toward us. She had a small yellow rucksack falling off of her shoulders and her bleach blonde hair was blowing behind her. The smile on her pink lips lit up her entire face, anybody who looked at her wouldn't have a choice but to smile in return.

"Life sort of had a different plan for me," I said as Emily followed my gaze to the little girl. Her eyes widened as the child reached me and immediately launched herself into my arms. I kissed her pale cheek as I lifted her up and she giggled as she hooked her arms around my neck, "Emily," I said finally, "this is Ava," I kissed the little girl's cheek again and she turned to acknowledge Emily, "my daughter."

* * *

**So there we have it, i know some of you won't like it because it's got a mininaomi in it, but i miss my goddaughter, and writing this has been a sort of cathartic release for me, soooooooo sorry not sorry. **

**Let me know what you all think, don't worry, i won't be offended if you don't want to read it :)**

**Oh, and the first few chaps are on the shorter side, they might all be. idk. sorry but that's just how it works out with the whole switching POV thing**

**so.. thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2: Emily

**A/N-**

**I'm posting again today because i feel like it and i can, but don't get used to posts this fast, i just wanted to post this one quickly because the first one was so short(this one is as well) and i'm sure there are quite a few questions that you people want answered. **

**At this point, i have five more chapters after this one written, and i think i'm gonna be smart and not post them all at once. I'll probably do two a week, and hope i can write fast enough to keep up with that. So after this, i'll try to post on like... Mondays and Thursdays? Does that sound good? If you'd rather have them on other days let me know!**

**Anywho, enough with my rambling. I hope you're enjoying this tale thus far!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own skins... i could say something witty here, but i'm too brain dead to think of anything.**

* * *

**EMILY**

I looked up at Naomi in shock, I knew my jaw was hitting the floor, and I was definitely catching some flies, but so many thoughts were racing through my head I couldn't find the muscles to close it.

Naomi Campbell, a mother. Every part of my mind was telling me not to believe it, but the proof was right in front of me. There was no way the little girl clinging to her thin frame could _not _be her child. She had the same light blonde hair, though everyone knew her mother's was fake, the same pink lips, the same angular nose, and the same striking blue eyes I always seemed to get lost in. If I didn't know any better I'd think I was looking at Naomi eighteen years ago. That was another thing that puzzled me, Naomi was only twenty two, but this little girl had to be at least four or five years old.

"She was born a couple months after I got out of college," Naomi explained, answering the question I couldn't form the words to ask, "Sweetie where's daddy?" She asked, turning her attention to the little girl.

"He went to the loo," Ava said, pointing behind me before holding a book up in front of Naomi's face, "Look! Daddy got it for me in London!"

"Wow!" Naomi said, taking the book in her free hand and examining it.

"It's a book of word games to help me get smarter."

"You're already the smartest girl I know," Naomi said proudly and kissed the side of her head.

"Daddy?" I asked, my curiosity finally getting the better of me.

Naomi nodded and shifted Ava in her arms, "She spends a week with him every month in London. He got a job and moved out there a few years back."

"So you're not with him?"

Naomi scoffed, "No, it was a one time thing. Just turned out we weren't as careful as we should have been and nine months later," She shrugged, looking down at Ava who was curiously looking through her book.

I was about to ask if she was with someone else when a familiar booming voice echoed through the station.

"Naomikins, looking lovely as usual," I turned my head to see a much cleaner and more put together version of James Cook than I ever remember encountering. He had on a pair of nice dark washed jeans, and a blue jumper lacking any of the stains I would have expected. When he saw me his eyes widened before a smile spread over his face, "Emilio man!" He said, clapping my back, "I never thought I'd see the likes of you again!"

I laughed and patted his back as he pulled me into a hug, "Cook, it sure has been a while. You're looking dapper."

He broadened his shoulders and looked at me with a proud smile on his face, "I aim to impress."

"I can see that," I laughed, "you still living in Bristol as well then?"

"Nope," He smiled proudly, "got me a nice job and a flat in London." I looked between him and Naomi, the puzzle pieces slowly clicking together. It seemed impossible, Naomi would never sleep with Cook, he was repulsive. And Cook, a father? The idea of him doing anything besides drugs and women was unfathomable. "I'd love to catch up with you, but if I stay much longer I'll miss the train." He wrapped his arm around me again, "It was great seeing you, maybe we'll do dinner sometime?"

"Definitely," I smiled, still slightly in shock, as he pulled away.

"Ava," He said, facing the small girl. She looked up from her book with a small smile on her face, "You be good for your mum, yeah?" She nodded her head and her smile grew.

"I will daddy," She hugged him quickly and kissed his cheek before wrapping her arms back around Naomi.

"Later Naoms," Cook smiled, kissing her cheek and kissing Ava's head once more before walking away with a wave. We stood there silently for a few moments, the room seeming much quieter without Cook to fill the silence.

"Cook?" I finally asked, raising my eyebrows at Naomi in disbelief. She slowly nodded her head.

"After you left," She explained, a sudden sadness in her tone. My heart clenched remembering how much it hurt to leave Bristol the first time, "I was a right mess. Cook was the one to pick me back up again and help me start living life. He'd been trying to get into my knickers from our first day of college, and one night we were both wasted and started kissing. One thing led to another," She shrugged, "we were both terrified when I found out I was pregnant, and he left for a while, but he came back after Ava was born and has been around ever since. It's a little unreal, but he's an amazing dad, and Ava loves him to bits."

"Wow," Was all I could manage to say. Naomi nodded in return, an awkward silence falling over us again. I tried to wrap my head around everything. Naomi being a mum. Cook being a dad. Naomi and Cook having a child together, it all seemed so unreal.

I had been stunned when I saw her sitting on that bench, I never expected her to still be in Bristol, so the though of running into her never even crossed my mind. She was the type of person who should have been out changing the world, making a difference. Not sitting in a dirty train station in an even dirtier town.

When I first saw her, I thought maybe she was visiting her mum, or maybe some friends, but I _never _would have guessed that she'd never even left. And the reason behind her staying had me questioning everything all over again.

"Mummy I'm hungry," Ava's voice broke through my internal rambling.

"Right," She said, "I should probably get her home then," she said to me.

"Okay," I said, shaking my head in a futile attempt to clear my thoughts, "I should go too. Mum's gonna wonder what took me so long to use the loo." Naomi giggled and I felt my heart flutter in my chest.

"We should get together sometime, coffee maybe?" Naomi suggested, I knew the healthy thing for me to do would be to say no. To not let her back into my life after so many years apart, but before I could speak I felt myself nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, here," I handed her my cell phone and she programmed her number in, "I'll ring you sometime then."

She smiled and slid the phone back into my hand, "Okay," She smiled, shifting Ava in her arms again. The little girl had lost interest in her book and was now looking at me with question in her bright blue eyes, "It was great seeing you again."

"Yeah," I smiled, "Likewise. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Emily," She smiled again, squeezing my shoulder gently before turned to walk away.

"Who was that?" I heard Ava ask, her voice barely audible over the hum of the other people.

"One of Mummy's very good friends from college."

"Is she nice?"

"Yes," Naomi replied, "you would like her very much." A smile formed on my face and butterflies erupted in my stomach as Naomi's voice faded with the crowd. The entire rest of the walked out of the station I was in a daze, the only thing I even noticed was the increased pace of my heartbeat and the way my skin was still tingling where she had touched me.

"I was starting to think you got lost," My mum said as I walked up to the car.

"There was a line," I said, not even looking at her. I opened the passenger door and sat down, my mind still racing with images of two pairs of striking blue eyes continually flashing in my brain.

As the initial shock of Naomi being a mum wore off, I started thinking about Naomi herself. I tried as hard as I could to get her perfect voice out of my mind, but it seemed to be playing like a song on repeat. I hated the way my body and mind reacted to being around her. She had the ability to make me focus on nothing but her. Her blue eyes, her silky hair, her perfect Ivory skin. And every time I saw her, my heart raced. Her touch lingered on my skin even after she was gone.

I was supposed to be over her. I'd spent the last six _years _trying to move on from her. Trying to mend my shattered heart. I shouldn't be feeling how I was. After everything she did to me.

I should hate her. I should want to punch her and scream at her, not curl up into her arms and listen to her breathe. But hundreds of miles and many years had done nothing to dull the need I had for her.

I still wanted her just as much as the first day I met her, and I feared I always would.

* * *

**So there's Emsy's mind for you. I'm going to be alternating POV's every chapter for the foreseeable future, just a little FYI :)**

**That's it for today folks! let me know what you thought, PLEASE :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Naomi

**A/N-**

**So first off, Thank you guys SO much! this is turning out better than i anticipated to be completely honest... you guys are the best :)**

**I really don't have much of a note for today, other than to say, inspiration has struck, and given i don't spend ALL of my time studying for finals this week, i should, ****_hopefully, _****don't kill me if i don't, have the epilogue for OSAAT posted. Again, a small bit of inspiration, so writers block could punch me in the face again unexpectedly, but i'm hoping it doesn't, and will do my best to finish it up ASAP.**

**anywho, on with the story! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: uh no.**

* * *

_**Naomi**_

I loaded Ava into my car and drove straight from the train station to my mum's house. She was always more than happy to have us over, and as much as I missed my daughter and wanted to just curl up with her for the rest of the night, I needed a few minutes by myself to wrap my head around the emotions filling my body. Every word Emily said was racing through my mind, her voice echoed in my thoughts and my entire body was tingling just from being near her again. The last time I had spoken to her was almost six years ago, and it wasn't pleasant. I was horrible to her, and said things I will _always _regret, and before my adolescent mind had the chance to realise I was wrong, she was gone.

I pulled up to my mum's yellow house, the same one I grew up in, but instead of feeling comforted like I usually did, I felt regret for the things I had done. I could still hear Emily calling my name after our final fight, begging me to come outside and actually _fucking talk to her. _I never did, instead I closed my curtains, curled up on my bed, and cried. The regret was even worse now, as I walked up to the door with Ava holding my hand.

"Mum?" I shouted as we walked through the door, the air was filled with the smell of spices and I could hear dishes clanking together from the direction of the kitchen.

"Naomi?" She replied, still not showing herself. I rolled my eyes and walked toward the doorway.

"No, it's your estranged child from London. We've never actually met before."

"No need for the sarcasm dear," She said as we walked through the curtain of beads and into the kitchen, "I wasn't expecting you to come around today."

"Yeah, well, I picked up Ava and thought you might want to see her."

"Naomi, please don't tell me you're already going out," She said, setting her spoon down and looking up at me with disappointment.

"You're going out mummy?" Ava asked, looking up at me with sadness in her eyes, I squeezed her hand and smiled down at her reassuringly.

"Of course not bug," I said, "Granny is just being a cranky old cow."

"That's not very nice," Ava reprimanded, "say you're sorry."

I clenched my jaw and looked down at my daughter. It amazed me how much authority a four year old could have. "Right," I sighed, looking up at my mother and ignoring the smug look on her face, "I'm so terribly sorry mum, will you ever forgive me?"

"Possibly," She said, smiling slightly and winking at Ava, who giggled and grabbed onto my leg in return, "It would help if you'd set the table, dinner will be ready in a bit."

I rolled my eyes and let go of Ava's hand. As soon as I did she let go of my leg and ran up the stairs to our old room where there were buckets of toys still stowed away. I started setting the table, ignoring my mum's eyes boring into the back of my head. After I laid down the last of the forks I turned around with a huff and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked, giving her a pointed stare.

"Why are you here?" She finally asked, looking at me curiously.

"Sorry, I thought you enjoyed us coming around," I said, though I knew my sarcasm would only make her ask more questions, "we can leave if you'd like."

"I may just be your silly old cow of a mum, but I'm not stupid."

I ignored her and walked toward the end of the staircase, "Ava," I shouted up the stairs, "wash up and come down, dinner is ready!"

"So are you going to tell me what it is that's got you as moody as a seventeen year old?"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a bottle of wine out of the fridge with a huff, "Nothing has got me moody," I insisted, "is it really such a crime to want to visit you?"

She let out a hard laugh, "You never just _want _to visit me," She said, eyeing me skeptically again. I heard Ava's footsteps above us as a look of realisation washed over my mum's face, "Oh my god, you're pregnant aren't you?"

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open, "Mum!" was the only word I could bring to my mouth, still completely shocked by her accusation.

"So you are?"

"No! Fucks sake woman," I felt the heat rising to my face as I turned to the table.

"What is it then?" she asked, I ignored her question as Ava skipped into the room a few moments later, wiping her hands on her floral patterned skirt.

We all sat down around the table and Ava filled the silence with stories from her week with Cook. I would never admit it to anybody, but my weeks without her were miserable. The house always felt too big, and the lack of her smart remarks and sarcastic eye rolls made me feel like I was going mad. I usually ended up spending my extended free time moping, working, and counting the seconds until I could see her face again.

When dinner was done I helped my mum clear the table and kissed Ava's cheek before excusing myself and walking out the front door. I didn't smoke much at all any more, but as I walked down the pavement I quickly found myself reaching into my pocket for a fag. I lit it, and relished in the feel of the nicotine entering my system, and finally allowed my mind to wander.

All I saw was Emily.

I remembered the way she was in College. Quiet and innocent, but braver than any other person I'd ever met. And I compared that to how she had been at the station, more mature and confident, no longer hiding behind her twin. I chuckled to myself as I remembered the look of complete shock on her face when Ava jumped into my arms. I couldn't exactly blame her for reacting that way though, I mean the last she'd seen of me I was an immature teenager, obsessed with the things I couldn't change, and too much of a coward to change the things I could.

The emotions stirring inside of me made me feel like that scared seventeen year old girl again, reminded me of just how much Emily was able to make me feel. The desire, the want, the fear, everything was rushing through me so fast I couldn't even grasp onto one solid emotion. Emily was the first person who ever really _knew _me. She was the first one to see past my ever present scowl, and understand that I was afraid and lonely. Which was exactly why I pushed her away. It didn't help that she was a girl, and the idea of me being gay was unfathomable, but I could have handled that on its own. What I couldn't handle, was the possibility of her destroying me, which is exactly what allowing her in would have given her the ability to do.

It scared me still, because even after all those years, seeing her at that train station, even just thinking about her after she left, made my heart rate spike and my hands sweat. My mind's reaction was the same too. I had the urge to run as fast and far away from her as I could, while at the same time wanting to take her with me wherever I went. It scared the absolute _shit _out of me. The way she made me feel. I had never felt so connected with another person before, especially another girl.

When I was in college and best friends with Emily, the thought of being gay didn't make sense to me. I _couldn't _be gay. I _wasn't _gay. Emily was my friend, my best friend, that was why I loved her so much. Because she was always there for me and knew me better than anybody else.

I told myself that hundreds of times in our college days, and actually started to believe myself (despite the kisses we shared) until I slept with her, and ruined everything. The night at the lake was the most vivid memory I had with her, with anybody really. Nobody had ever made me feel as good and as loved as she had. And that terrified me. The love she showed me with her lips and her fingers. So I did the only thing that made sense. I ran.

I left her on that cold woodland floor, ignored her pleas for me to be brave, and never looked back. I felt her eyes on me throughout the entire day at college, but I avoided her as much as I could. She was standing on my porch, waiting for me when I got home, and it infuriated me. She wasn't allowed to make me feel the way I was, the love and pain and absolute guilt. It wasn't fair. So I yelled at her, we fought worse than I'd ever fought with anybody before. We both said things we shouldn't have, things I still regretted, and soon as the words were in the air I stormed inside, slamming the yellow door behind me.

She yelled my name, begged me to come out. Every time I heard the pain in her husky voice it felt like someone was shoving my heart through a meat grinder, but I continued to ignore her anyways. I couldn't deal with it. With loving somebody, with loving _her._ Especially knowing she was going to leave.

And she did. Three days later the Fitch family moved to Manchester to expand their chain of gyms. I wanted to apologise to Emily, but I was too scared. And by the time I'd finally built up the courage to face her again, they were already gone.

* * *

I made my way back up my mum's porch steps, long after my fag was gone, and when I walked in she was sitting on the couch with Ava curled up next to her, her blue eyes staring intently at the TV.

"Everything all right love?" My mum asked, looking up at me with genuine concern in her eyes. I nodded my head and sat in the empty armchair, turning my attention to the cartoon they were watching.

I didn't pay much attention to what was going on in the show, my mind still uncontrollably wandering. Eventually, after Ava had drifted to sleep and my mum turned on a movie, I turned to look at her.

"I saw Emily today," I sighed, it felt good to finally say it to her, "She was at the station while I was waiting for Ava."

"Emily," She said, furrowing her brow and muting the telly, "She was the red haired one, small little thing, right?" I nodded my head slowly, "Whatever happened to her?"

"We had a fight and she moved away," I said, not quite ready to go into _all _the details with my mother, "I said some things I shouldn't have. I never even got to apologise."

"So, why don't you now? Start anew, that sort of thing."

I sighed and shook my head, "I don't think it's that simple."

"And why not?"

I looked at her, the urge to tell her everything strong. But instead of letting everything up, I stood up and walked over to her, "Thanks for the meal, but I better get home, it's getting late."

"Right, of course," she said and I carefully lifted my daughter into my arms. She snuggled into me straight away, pushing her face into my neck and grabbing onto my hair. My heart melted, as it always did, with the feeling of her warm body against me. I kissed the side of her head and rubbed her back as my mum leaned over and did the same thing. "I love you," She said and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Love you too," I smiled, leaning in and kissing her cheek, "thanks again for dinner, see you Tuesday." She smiled at me sadly as I turned to walk out of the house. I knew she wanted me to open up with her, and I wished I could. But I had never been one to do that with anybody, _especially _my mum, and I didn't think I was ready to yet. I didn't know if I ever would be.

* * *

I tucked Ava into her bed as soon as we got home, and smiled as she snuggled straight into her blankets and pillows.

"Goodnight bug," I whispered into her ear before gently kissing her light blonde hair and walking out of her room.

I wandered into the kitchen and pulled out the bottle of pinot noir I had hidden in the back of my wine fridge and grabbed a nice large glass before taking both of them out to the garden. I sat down at the small bistro table and filled up my glass. I sipped it slowly, staring out at the small patch of grass beyond my brick patio, and let my mind wander. With every glass of wine I relaxed even more, and by the time I was about halfway through the bottle I was feeling a little tipsy. Just as I poured my fourth glass my phone buzzed from my pocket. I pulled it out, scrunching my face at the unfamiliar number, but when I opened the message my heart leaped into my throat.

**_Hey, just wondering if you'd be up for that coffee in the morning? Emily x_**

I had to blink a couple of times at the screen before the words even registered in my brain. And I'd be lying if I said the kiss at the end didn't make my heart swell a little bit. It took a few times, but I was eventually able to type something acceptable.

_Coffee sounds nice, would you be okay coming over here? N x_

I held my breath as I waited for her reply, luckily it came within seconds.

**_That's fine, text me the address. I'll be over say 9ish? Emily x_**

I couldn't help but smile to myself as I typed out my address and let out my breath. As my breath left, the nerves flooded in and I quickly found myself panicking over the thought of seeing Emily again. I knew my nerves were illogical, but I couldn't stop them, and I soon found myself racing through my house straightening up Ava's toys and the clutter I'd neglected to take care of.

I spent an unnecessary amount of time, almost two hours, cleaning an already perfectly acceptable house. I made sure there were no dishes in the sink, everything was put away properly, no clutter was on display, and I would have hoovered if it wasn't after midnight.

My nerves didn't die down through my cleaning, and increased even more as I finally sank into my bed a little after one. I'm not sure how long I laid there for, my mind racing with the possibilities of the morning to come. Eventually though, my eyes did begin to droop, and I finally drifted to sleep feeling more excited than I had in as long as I could remember.

* * *

**So there we go, little insight into the past and what's going on in Naomi's head!**

**And even though in my mind, as I have yet to go to sleep, it's still Sunday, I'm posting this now, at two in the goddamn morning, because it's ****_technically _****Monday. **

**it works okay?**

**Let me know what you thought :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Emily

**A/N-**

**Remember when i said these were probably all going to be pretty short posts?**

**well i lied. Sorry (not really)**

**Thanks for ze reviews and favorites and follows and just for reading it at all!**

**I love you all my lovely internet people!**

**No words of wisdom today, just enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: non.(PSSST THAT'S FRENCH FOR NO)**

* * *

_**EMILY**_

To say I was nervous on Sunday morning would be a _severe _understatement. I hadn't stopped thinking about Naomi since I saw her in the train station the previous evening, and unfortunately they weren't all pleasant thoughts.

I had spent the last six years of my life trying to piece my heart back together after Naomi shattered it, and for a while I thought I had moved on, I thought I was over her. But within three seconds of locking eyes with her I knew that wasn't true. I was still just as in love with her after all this time as I had been when we were teenagers. The problem was that I didn't know what to do about it.

I wanted her. More than I'd ever wanted anything in my life, but that didn't mean she would want me back. Or even admit it if she did.

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it of my thoughts and pulled a plain white shirt over my head. I checked myself over in the mirror, making sure there were no stains on my skinny jeans, before letting out a sigh and slipping into my converse. The nerves picked up again as I wondered if she would like my outfit. If she would think I still looked good. Actually, if she _ever _thought I looked good. I felt anger rising in me again as I thought back to the way she treated me in college. _Fuck. _What if she was still a cold bitch like she had the tendency to be back then? What if she led me on just to break my heart all over again?

_No. _I shook my head again. _No she wouldn't do that. Naomi is an adult, I am an adult. I'm sure we're both mature enough to move beyond the past and start a new friendship. _Yeah. Friendship. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Friendship would have to do. It was safe. Easy.

But _Christ, _I fucking missed her. I didn't even realise how much until I saw her peroxide blonde hair and her clear blue eyes. My god, her eyes. They were just as beautiful as I remembered, and it still felt like she could see straight into my soul when I looked into them.

"Emily!" My mum's voice travelled through the house, bringing me out of my head and back to reality, "The taxi is here for you!"

I gave myself a once over, grabbing a knit beanie and my favourite grey zip up before rushing down the stairs.

My mum stopped me at the bottom of the steps, smiling and looking proud. "Good luck," she said, leaning in and kissing my cheek. I rolled my eyes and gave her the best smile I could before walking past her and out the front door.

I loved my mum, I mean I had to, she was my mum. But she was also a bigoted bitch, and I would always hate that about her. I couldn't even tell her how excited I was about seeing Naomi again, or how nervous the blonde made me feel. If I did she'd pester me and look down at me for associating myself with _that _girl again. She didn't know that things ended badly between Naomi and I, but she did know that something _did _happen. And, knowing that, she genuinely believed Naomi was the reason I thought I was gay. I had to lie and tell her I was going to a job interview just to avoid her ridicule of my sexuality.

Even six years after I came out to her, my mum still refused to believe it was true. She insisted that it was a phase, and once I found the right guy I would stop all of the nonsense and be a normal happy twin like Katie. She continued to try to set me up with guys, and I continued to ignore her.

Don't get me wrong, I had tried for many years to convince her it wasn't a phase. I tried to bring girlfriends home, which she wouldn't allow. I tried to talk to her about the girl I thought I was in love with, but she brushed me off and told me I wasn't thinking straight. I told her that was exactly my point. Which she didn't take very well.

Eventually though, I just stopped trying to talk to her about my relationships at all, finding it easier to play along with her delusions, and she thankfully let up on the setups. She still brought a friend or coworker's son around every once in a while, and I would humour her and go out on a 'date' with them, but nothing more than that. My mum saw my reluctance to be in a relationship with any of those men as my fear of commitment, but really, it was her who was afraid of the truth.

* * *

I walked up to the front door or a rather nice house in one of the cleaner neighbourhoods in Bristol. I was twenty minutes early, and shaking like a leaf with nerves. I was just about to knock when I realised maybe showing up so prematurely _wasn't _a good idea, so I pulled my hat further down onto my head and turned to walk away. Just as I did, the door opened behind me to reveal Naomi standing there in leggings and a vest, her hair still damp and a toothbrush in her mouth. Somehow she still managed to take my breath away.

"You're early," She said, a slight smile forming on her face as she took the toothbrush out of her mouth.

"Yeah, sorry," I said, stepping back, "I can come back later."

"Don't be silly," she smiled fully and stepped to the side. I hesitated but she motioned for me to come in, so I walked past her into the house, "I've just got to finish getting ready, but make yourself at home."

"All right," I smiled, "thanks." She nodded her head and walked up the stairs. I hesitantly walked forward, examining what I could of the white hallway. It seemed modern, and ridiculously clean, but still felt homey. There were pictures of Ava in all stages of her life on the wall, some with Naomi, Cook, or Gina, but most of them just her. One in particular caught my eye. It was Naomi with Ava when she looked to be about two. They were sitting outdoors, Ava twirling in a white dress and Naomi watching from a meter or so away. The smile on her face was so genuine and filled with love that it made my heart swell in adoration.

"Who are you?" A small voice asked, I took my gaze from the picture on the wall and spotted Ava standing at the end of the hallway. She honestly had to be the most adorable little girl I had ever seen. Her light blonde hair fell just past her shoulders, her eyes were as blue as the sky, and her face carried nothing but innocence.

"I'm Emily," I smiled, she took a few hesitant steps toward me, her posture shy, "I'm a friend of your mum's."

"Do you know my daddy too?" She asked, coming even closer. I nodded my head and smiled.

"Yes I do," I crouched down to my level when she was within arms distance, "you are a very pretty girl Ava."

She looked shyly at her feet, the corners of her mouth tugging up, "My mummy tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world," she smiled proudly, "but she's my mum so she has to say that."

"She's right though," I smiled and a blush formed on the little girl's pale cheeks.

"You're very pretty too Emily," She said to me. I smiled at her and she returned it, her confidence growing with each second that passed.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to come see my room?" She asked suddenly, looking at me with excitement in her eyes.

"I would love to," I replied, standing up and taking her hand when she offered it to me. She led me up the stairs and into the first door on the right. The room we walked into was a huge contrast to the beige walls of the hallway. The walls inside were painted bright yellow and there were different coloured flowers decorating the wall behind the small bed. It was full of colour and exactly how I would imagine a younger Naomi to have her room decorated. "It's lovely," I smiled down at Ava as she let go of my hand. She walked over to the wardrobe and opened it before pulling out a book.

"This is my I-Spy book. My granny bought it for me." She handed me a rather thick book and I thumbed through the pages, "My mummy helps me with the words I don't know." She sat down on the bed and I did the same thing, opening to the page that was marked. She stared intently at the page, going from the words to the objects until she found what she was looking for and repeating the process. I helped her with the bigger words, but let her do all of the searching. She would squeal and point excitedly at the page every time she found one.

I wasn't sure what was taking Naomi so long, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to care. I was genuinely enjoying Ava's company. After a few minutes she was laid on her stomach, resting her elbows in my lap and searching the page intently, trying to find a rolling pin when Naomi finally walked in.

"Sorry I took so long," She smiled, I couldn't help but stare for a few moments. She was beautiful. Her hair was straight and a couple inches past her shoulders, and she had put on makeup, not a lot, but just enough to make her eyes pop even more than they already did. "Ava," Naomi said, giving her daughter a pointed stare.

"Sorry mummy," Ava mumbled as she reluctantly got up from my lap. She closed the book and set it on the bed and I looked at Naomi in confusion as the little girl walked out of the room.

"Sorry, I told her to stay in the sitting room."

"Don't apologise," I smiled as I stood up, "She's a lovely girl, and very smart."

"Too smart for her own good sometimes," Naomi smiled as we headed down the stairs. I followed her into the kitchen and she pulled two mugs out and poured hot coffee into them both. We sat down at the small table and sipped at our drinks in silence. It wasn't awkward, but it definitely wasn't comfortable either. "So Emily," Naomi finally spoke by the time I was halfway through my coffee, "how have you been?"

"Good I suppose," I shrugged, setting my cup down, "I finished college in Manchester then worked for two years to save up money and went traveling with my girlfriend for another two before moving in with Katie for a year, and now I'm here."

I could have sworn I saw a bit of disappointment cross her face when I said girlfriend, but she composed herself so quickly I couldn't know for sure.

"Oh, so you're in a relationship then?" She asked, I smirked internally, hearing the trepidation in her voice and knowing she was praying for me to say no.

"I was, we broke up about a year ago though, kind of just been living the single life since then."

She tried to mask her relief, but she couldn't hide the way her entire body relaxed at my words. It took almost all of my concentration to silence the choir going off in my head. "How's Katie doing then?" She asked, I was surprised at the genuine interest in her voice. The last I remember she absolutely _hated _Katie. And Katie wasn't too fond of her either.

"She's good," I smiled, "she runs a clothing store in Manchester and got engaged last year." Naomi raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, looking impressed, "What about you? What have you and everyone else been up to since we left?"

"It's quite boring actually. I got knocked up six months after you left, finished college and had Ava two months later. And ever since then I've pretty much been raising her and trying to get my feet on the ground. No way I could have done it without my mum and Cook though."

"So Cook's a good dad?"

"The best," She smiled down at her coffee before looking up at me, "I mean he made his mistakes, disappeared for a while when I was pregnant, but when Ava was three months old he came back and hasn't let either of us down since."

"I'm quite surprised to be honest. I never really pegged Cook as the father type."

"Me either," She laughed, "but once he met Ava he got his shit together, and he loves her to pieces."

"That's good to hear," I smiled, sipping my coffee again, "What about everyone else? They all still around?"

"For the most part," She sighed "Effy and Freddie started dating our last year of college, now they're living together happy as clams. JJ went to uni in London and last I heard he was still there and loved up with a girl. Cook still talks to him, but I haven't spoken to him in ages. And Panda and Thomas are living in America, both teaching in a school over there."

"You still talking to them?"

"Eff and Freds yeah, but not anyone else really."

I nodded my head and looked down at my hands, suddenly missing all the friends I'd made during that first year of college. I looked up at Naomi, and I know she was thinking back to that time as well. I found myself looking into her eyes, all of the feelings from college rushing back to me. I could still feel her soft lips on mind, smell the lavender and cotton scent of her skin, taste her body on my tongue. The gentle way she caressed my cheek and kissed my skin told me what she was too afraid to admit out loud. My heart clenched in my chest as my mind wandered back to that last day, when I was standing outside her house, begging her to come back to me. Begging her to be brave.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, so I cleared my throat and looked away from her before I lost my self control.

"Emily," Naomi's voice was barely a whisper, but I knew exactly what she was about to say, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear it yet.

I shook my head and looked back at her, "Please, don't." She hesitated, but gave me a small nod before diverting her gaze to her hands.

"I've missed you," She said quietly after a few minutes of silence, so quietly I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or not.

I was about to respond when Ava's scream pierced through our silence. Naomi shot up, a look of panic and concern on her face.

"Ava?" She shouted, moving swiftly out of the kitchen. I followed her down the hall and into the sitting room. There was a giant pile of sheets and sofa cushions in the middle of the floor, "Ava?" Naomi said again, the pile of linens moved slightly.

"Mummy I'm stuck!" Ava's muffled voice called. We both moved over to the pile and started digging through it. Ava finally emerged from the bottom a few moments later, her hair messy and an apologetic smile on her face.

"Christ, I thought you were hurt," Naomi sighed in relief, pulling the small girl into her arms and repeatedly kissing the top of her head.

"I wanted to make a fort to play in with Emily," She smiled up at me and I automatically smiled back, "But then I fell down," She looked down guiltily at her feet.

"Sweetie I told you already, emily is mummy's friend and she doesn't want to be bothered okay?"

I looked over at Naomi as she spoke to her daughter, feeling bad for the disappointment on the little girl's face.

"I actually love forts," I piped in, Naomi gave me a look that clearly said I didn't have to do that, but I just winked at her and turned to Ava. "Maybe, if your mum doesn't mind, we can build a fort together?"

"Yeah!" She jumped up, wriggling out of Naomi's grasp and hopping over to me, "We can build it all the way to the moon and play games and eat sweets!" She grabbed onto my hand and began jumping up and down in excitement. I couldn't help but smile back at her and let out a laugh.

"Perfect," I smiled and hers grew even bigger.

She let go of my hand and walked over to her pile of fort making materials. She stared at it for a few seconds before bending down to pick up the smallest of the blankets, pulling it away from the rest with ease. When she tried for a larger one though, she struggled and ended up falling flat on her bum.

"Let me help you with that," I offered, walking over and separating the rest of the cushions and blankets without struggle. "You don't mind do you?" I asked Naomi, she smiled and shook her head.

"You two have fun, I'll go make some sandwiches for when you're done." I smiled up at her and she kissed Ava's head, whispering something in her ear as she did, before walking back toward the kitchen.

Ava and I got to work securing blankets to chairs and walls, using cushions as supports and forming all of it into a large tent like structure. I was probably having far too much fun with her, but I didn't care. She was a free spirited little girl and actually rather hilarious.

Naomi eventually came to join us, but it still took us over an hour to finish it. When it was done it was a work of art. Open and spacious inside, and it didn't feel as though it was going to collapse at any moment.

Ava and I sat inside when we were finished and Naomi fetched us sandwiches and lemonade, which the three of us ate together in the confines of our pillow castle. Naomi kept giving me amused, somewhat admirable glances, and I just smiled in return to each one of them.

I spent the entire day at her house. Ava fell asleep in the fort in the middle of the afternoon, and Naomi and I got the chance to just spend time together. It was nice being around her again, the small bit of awkwardness from the morning had faded, and I felt as though we were back in college again. I was at ease when I talked to her, I could be myself, and I knew she felt the same way, no matter how much she tried to fight against it.

When Ava woke up from her nap we migrated into the garden and spent the rest of the afternoon playing games and Naomi barbecued us some chicken for dinner. After a half hour of watching one of Ava's cartoons, she insisted I help Naomi read her a story before she went to bed.

I helped her pick out pyjamas and Naomi and I sat on either side of her in her bed, while she held the book in between us. It amazed me the hold she already had on me. I'd only just met her, but I already knew that if she asked me to go to the moon to get her some cheese I would.

She didn't fall asleep until we were a good ten pages into reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. As Naomi set down the book and we both quietly made our way out of Ava's room I realised just how tired I had become. What was supposed to be a cup of coffee to catch up had turned into an entire day of playing and having fun, and I was exhausted.

"I should probably get heading home," I said reluctantly as we made our way down the stairs.

"I'm really glad you came over," She replied, following me to the door. We stopped just in front of it and turned to face each other. My heart began to flutter in my chest from her close proximity. I had a ridiculously strong urge to wrap my arms around her and kiss away the pain from being apart for so long. I crossed my arms over my chest in order to _stop _myself from doing that.

"I had a wonderful time," She finally said, I lifted my eyes from where I had been involuntarily staring at her pink lips.

"Me too," I smiled at her. I felt warmth in my stomach when the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. I couldn't help myself from letting my eyes wander down to her lips again. It took all my concentration not to lick my own.

I found myself stepping toward her, against my better judgement, and I lifted my hand to her face, brushing my thumb softly against her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"We should do dinner," Naomi said, abruptly leaning away from me. My heart ached at the rejection, but the apologetic look in her eyes helped to lessen it, "Just the two of us."

I nodded my head, crossing my arms back over my chest to once again try and keep my hands to myself, "Yeah, whenever you'd like."

She smiled and stepped towards me again, hesitantly pulling me into a gentle embrace. I wrapped my arms around her waist, relishing in the feel of her body against mine. We stood like that for a few moments, I honestly could have stayed like that forever, but eventually Naomi pulled away. "I'll see you soon." She smiled and opened the door for me. I nodded, not trusting my voice, and stepped outside. We both smiled once more before she closed the door behind me.

I breathed in the fresh air, trying to wrap my head around all of the things I was feeling. I didn't know much about this new Naomi. I didn't know if she still feared becoming attached to people, though seeing how she was with Ava made me think she'd at least gotten over that a little. I still didn't know if that would make a difference with me.

She had denied her feelings for me in college out loud more than once. But the night we spent together, our last night, still lingered in my mind. She had told me in so many wordless ways how much she loved me. I could feel it in the way that she caressed my cheek. How she gently brushed my hair out of my eyes, how the entire time she made sure I was okay. I could feel her need for me in the way that she kissed me and held me close, keeping me warm in her embrace.

I didn't know if she'd ever tell me the truth about how she felt that day, even if she didn't feel it anymore. I wasn't going to give up this time though. I already knew nobody could make me feel as at peace as Naomi did. Nobody's hand fit as perfectly in mine as hers did, nobody could make my heart jump like she could.

I wanted to be over her. I wanted to be able to be her friend again, especially if she still refused to admit that we'd once had something special. But as I walked away from her house, wanting nothing more than to run back inside and kiss her, I knew that I could never truly be over her. Nobody would ever fit me as perfectly as she did. Nobody would ever complete me like she did, no matter how hard they tried.

* * *

**Sooo little bit more insight into Emily's mind and feelings and such.**

**and of course a little bit of Ava. Tell me guys, do you want a lot of her? or would you rather me focus completely on Naomily and just have her in the background?**

**Also, tell me what you thought of the chapter, and the whole story really. I can't know if you guys like it unless you tell me! **

**See you Monday!**


	5. Chapter 5: Naomi

**A/N-**

**Soooo general consensus seems to be that Ava is adorable? I'm glad to hear it, because writing her is a blast! I'll make sure she makes quite a few cameos throughout the story :)**

**Thanks, as usual, for your reviews/favorites/likes. I honestly didn't expect this many of you to be liking it already, so seriously, THANK YOU!**

**Uhmm.. think that's about all i've got for now, so enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: didn't own it yesterday. don't own it now. probably won't own it tomorrow.**

* * *

**NAOMI**

Emily was making me go insane.

It had only been three days since she came over to my house, and she had been in my thoughts every second since she left. I couldn't understand what it was about that woman that made me come undone. And I hated it. I hated how much I wanted to listen to her voice, how much I wanted to be near her, how much I wanted to _touch_ her the entire time she was at my house. It took everything I had to keep my hands to myself when were cuddled up under our pillow fort, and throughout the rest of the evening after that.

When I finally did allow myself to close the space between us and wrap my arms around her, I thought I was going to die. The feel of her body against mine brought me complete bliss and I never wanted to let go.

I did though, because I knew I couldn't allow myself to feel that way. I had hurt her when we were teenagers because I was too scared to love anyone, let alone another girl. And I still didn't know if I could ever love her properly. She was a _girl_. There was no reason I should enjoy her touch as much as I did. I didn't fancy girls, not other than Emily. Then again, I didn't really fancy any boys either, or even find them remotely attractive. But Emily, she was beautiful. The most irresistibly attractive person, man or woman, I had ever seen. And on top of that, there was nobody I liked spending time with more than her. And seeing her again made me realise just how much I missed her in the years we were apart.

And now, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get her out of my head. To make it even worse, Ava wouldn't stop talking about her. I had never seen her take to a stranger so quickly. She usually kept to herself and made people work to get her attention, but with Emily it was _her _who was working for it. Not that she had to work very hard, Emily seemed more than willing to travel to whatever imaginary land Ava could imagine, and spend the rest of eternity there with her if it was possible.

I didn't talk to Emily again until Thursday afternoon, and she was the one who ended up ringing me. I was at work when I got the call, so I waited until I was walking out of the office at half four to listen to her message. She simply said hello and asked me to ring her when I got the chance. I don't know why I was so hesitant, but I made it all the way to my car at the far end of the car park before plucking up the courage and hitting the call button.

"Hel-fuck!" Her husky, but distressed, voice came through the voice after the third ring, I pulled the phone away in shock before bringing it back to my ear.

"Everything all right?" I asked, amusement clear in my voice.

"Yeah, shit, sorry." She sounded out of breath, "I was trying to cook and I dropped the bloody skillet on my foot." I couldn't help but giggle, and could practically hear her rolling her eyes in response, "yeah, yeah, yeah, make fun of me all you want."

"I'm not," I promised, but I couldn't stop another giggle from escaping, eliciting a sigh from the other end of the phone, "anyways, I was just returning your call."

"Right, yeah, I just wanted to see if you were busy tomorrow night? Maybe we could do that dinner?"

I unlocked my car and climbed into the drivers seat, using my shoulder to hold my mobile to my ear as I got situated, "I'll have to see if my mum can take Ava," I said, trying to stop the smile from forming on my face just from the _idea _of an evening alone with Emily, "but I'm sure she won't mind."

"Great," She said happily, "Just let me know, yeah? I'll make the reservations."

"Taking me someplace fancy are you?" I teased.

"Only the best for you," She returned, I felt a blush creeping up my neck.

I couldn't think up a response, so I cleared my throat as I turned the key in the ignition, "So, I'm on my way to my mum's now, and I'll text you with an answer when I get home."

"Okay," She said, sounding slightly less confident than she had moments before, "I'll make the reservations for seven, if that's all right with you?"

"That's perfect," I smiled, "I'll talk to you in a bit."

"Yeah, bye Naomi." I ended the call without saying anything else, and it took the entire drive to my mum's house to get the butterflies out of my stomach that hearing my name in Emily's voice had caused.

* * *

"Mummy!" Ava squealed, sprinting from the sitting room and into my arms as soon as I opened the front door. I scooped her into my arms and planted a firm kiss on her soft cheek, "I've missed you," She whispered, locking her arms around my neck.

"You know I've missed you too, ladybug." I smiled, basking in the love radiating from my little girl. I didn't know how I could love her so much, or why she loved me in return, but my world seemed to revolve around the little girl from the first moment I held her in my arms.

"How was work?" My mum asked, appearing from the kitchen doorway. I shifted Ava to my left hip and walked toward her.

"Lovely as usual," I sighed, placing a quick kiss on her cheek. She smiled and patted my cheek once in return before turning back into the kitchen.

"Are you staying for dinner?" She asked as she continued stirring whatever today's meal was, "I'm making curry."

"I think we're gonna turn in early tonight, have some mummy daughter time," I smiled at Ava and pinched the bottom of her foot. She squealed and kicked my hand away, "Kieran's coming home tonight isn't he?"

My mum smiled and nodded. Kieren was my old politics teacher, turned step dad. He and my mum weren't officially married, but they had been together for over six years, and living together for five. He didn't leave often, but he had been in Ireland for the past week visiting his brother after some sort of accident involving a tractor and a boulder. I didn't ask about the details.

"Are you busy tomorrow night?"

"I don't believe so," Mum replied, her tone telling me she already knew what I was about to ask.

"Would you mind if Ava came over for a bit? I've got dinner plans for seven, but I don't expect I'll be out later than nine or ten."

"You know I could never say no to my little blonde bombshell," She smiled, pinching Ava's thing. Ava squealed _again _and hiked herself up higher in my arms.

"Thanks," I said, kissing her cheek again, "we're gonna head out. Give granny a kiss bug," I said. Ava leaned toward my mum and kissed her right on the nose.

"I'll see you tomorrow night," My mum said, tapping Ava's nose as we turned to walk away.

"Where are you going tomorrow?" Ava asked as we walked out of the house.

"I'm going to have dinner with Emily, but I promise I won't be too late."

"I like Emily," She smiled as I opened the car door and set her in her seat.

"I do too," I admitted, trying to hold back my smile as I got into the front seat.

"Can she come over again?" She asked a few minutes into our car ride.

"I'll ask her," I promised, smiling to myself at how much her face lit up.

I ended up calling Emily when we got home, mostly because Ava was desperate to talk to her. The two of them ended up chatting for well over ten minutes about Ava's I-Spy book and the games the would play the next time we all got together. My heart melted hearing Ava's excited chatter, I could only imagine how equally enthused Emily sounded. When Ava finally handed over the phone, my heart swelled even more because Emily spent the next five minutes telling me how lovely of a girl she was.

I took pride in my daughter, she was the one true accomplishment I had. She might not have been planned, and it might have taken _a lot _for me to grow up enough to take care of her, but she was turning out to be pretty incredible. She had a much warmer personality than me, a trait she no doubt got from cook, and she was brilliant, something I liked to think I had something to do with.

She could make anybody do whatever she wanted simply by smiling that adorable little grin and blinking her crystal blue eyes. She was dangerously adorable and persuasive, and just as stubborn as me, but in her it was more endearing than anything. She was the most important part of my life, and I knew no matter what she did or who she turned out to be, I would _always _love her.

* * *

Work the next day was a drag. Each minute felt like it took an hour, and by the time I was picking Ava up from daycare at five I was exhausted simply from waiting for the day to be over. I spent far too long deciding on what to wear, and I wasn't even entirely sure why I was trying so hard to impress Emily. I had never had to try to impress her before, I had never _wanted _to impress her before, but this time was different.

For some reason, I wanted Emily to think I was beautiful. I wanted her to think I was a better person than what she remembered, I wanted to prove to her that I _was _a better person than what she remembered.

I took a few calming breaths and smoothed out my dress. I had to keep reminding myself that this was _Emily. _She wouldn't care if I showed up in a bin bag without showering for a week, just as long as I showed up at all.

A wave of regret washed through me at that thought. I still hated myself for the hell I put her through in college. I ignored her, avoided her, _left _her, and she didn't deserve any of it. I shook my head to clear it of those thoughts. I couldn't dwell on what I did in the past. I couldn't change it, I just had to focus on making up for it.

By the time I finished getting ready it was almost seven, and I had to race to gather Ava and her things to make it out the door on time.

"You look beautiful mummy," Ava said as we walked up to my mum's front door with three minutes to spare. I smiled down at her, and felt myself blushing at the sincerity in her comment.

"Thank you bug," I squeezed her hand, "but you know you're the most beautiful girl in the world."

"You say that all the time." She rolled her eyes and couldn't help but laugh at how well she had perfected it. She had so much of my attitude in her sometimes it scared me.

We walked into the house and Ava's face scrunched up in disgust as an overwhelming scent of burnt meat filled our lungs.

"Oh god mum, what have you killed in there?" I asked, burying my nose in the crook of my elbow.

"That's my fault," Kieran smiled sheepishly, walking out of their bedroom, "I tired to make your mum a nice meal, but it turns out I'm a bit shite in the kitchen."

I rolled my eyes as Ava let go of my hand and attached herself to Kieran's leg.

"Kieran!" She squealed excitedly. He scooped her into his arms and lovingly kissed her cheek. Kieran was the last person I would have _ever _expected to come anywhere near a child, let alone actually enjoy one. But since the day I brought Ava home she'd had him wrapped around her little finger.

"How've you been short stuff?" He asked, tickling her belly. She squealed and arched her back before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Good," She smiled after she stopped laughing, "mummy has a new friend."

"So I've heard," Kieran replied, sending me a wink over Ava's shoulder. I knew what he was thinking, and couldn't help but blush. Being our politics teacher, he'd been witness to more than one of mine and Emily's conversation, I was certain he knew that back then we were slightly more than 'friends'.

"Where's my mum?" I asked before Kieran had the chance to talk about Emily any further.

"Ran to get some food after the disaster I caused." I laughed and shook my head, "She'll be back in a bit."

"Lovely," I sighed with a smile and followed him into the living room. He flipped Ava, giggling and squirming, over his shoulder and set her on the couch. I made my way to her, a smirk on my face, and joined her on the sofa before bringing my fingers up to her most ticklish spots. She started squealing and kicking her legs, begging for me to stop. Of course, I didn't listen, and instead moved my hands from her sides up to her neck. She raised her shoulders up, trapping my hands and I raised my eyebrows at the challenge.

I wriggled my fingers and she squeezed her shoulders tighter. I knew I could easily free them, but she loved being in control of situations, so I let her think I was struggling. What I wasn't expecting though, was for two tiny hands to start poking at _my _waist. I yelped and snatched my hands back as I squirmed away from her, only for her to follow and climb on top of me.

"Stop!" I begged through my laughter, tears beginning to form in my eyes, "Please, I'll do anything!"

Ava was giggling uncontrollably so I was able to wrap my arms around her and pin her to my chest, preventing her from doing any additional damage.

"I got you," She giggled, smiling cheekily up at me. I shook my head and kissed the top of hers.

"Yes, you did."

She sighed and we both sat there silently, calming our breathing and waiting for the ache from laughing so much to die down. I hadn't even noticed Kieran disappear until he was walking back into the room, a short and very beautiful redhead standing behind him.

"Emily, hi," I said, standing up from the couch, "Sorry I was-"

"Losing a tickle war?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. I felt myself blush as I glanced down at Ava.

"I believe I was the champion actually," I replied.

"No mummy," Ava said, standing up and grabbing my hand, "I was the champion because you cheated."

"I _cheated?"_ I demanded, "How on earth could I cheat in a tickle war?"

"You held my arms so I couldn't move! That's cheating." She looked up at me pointedly.

"My apologies, I will never do it again," I assured her, squeezing her small hand. "Shall we get going?" I asked Emily, she was looking at us with a small smile on her face.

"Yeah," She said, looking into my eyes. Her smile didn't falter, in fact, it seemed to grow.

"Mummy I want to come with," Ava whined, tugging my hand closer to her when I tried to pull it away.

"Sorry bug, but this is an adult dinner." I crouched down to her level and took both of her hands in mine. For as independent as Ava liked to be, she was still a mummy's girl, and didn't even try to hide the fact that she'd follow me everywhere if she could.

"Will you tuck me in and read me a story when you get home?"

"I'm not sure if I'll be back early enough," I said and her face dropped, breaking my heart in the process, "How about this, if you're sleeping by the time I get home, you can stay in my bed tonight," I suggested, her face lit up and she nodded her head.

"Promise?" She asked, I smiled and held my pinky up in front of her. She hooked her smaller one through mine and smiled.

"Be good for Granny and Kieran okay?" I said, pulling her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around my neck before pulling away and kissing my cheek, "I love you ladybug."

"I love you too mummy bug," She replied with a smile. I laughed and tapped her nose before standing up. As soon as I did she ran across the room and clutched onto Emily's leg, "Bye Emily," She mumbled into the fabric of Emily's skirt.

"Bye Ava," Emily returned, smiling down at my little girl and patting the top of her head, "Thank you for letting me borrow your mum." Ava smiled and nodded her head, pulling away from Emily before walking over to Kieran.

"Thanks Kieran," I smiled, kissing his scruffy cheek, "tell mum the same thing."

"Have fun," He replied, waving to us as Emily and I walked out of the house.

I tried to stop my eyes from roaming over her petite frame, but she looked so breathtakingly gorgeous that I couldn't help myself.

"You look amazing," I found the words coming out of my mouth before I had the chance to process them. She looked back at me and smiled, forcing a blush into my cheeks.

She pointedly raked her eyes over my body and I could feel my blush deepening. I found it hard to focus on anything but the beautiful redhead in front of me, "So do you," she finally said, her voice barely a whisper. I hadn't realised how close I had gotten to her until I felt her hand brush against mine.

I cleared my throat and walked around her to the small car. She took a deep breath and smiled before politely opening the door for me.

"Thanks," I said quietly, butterflies erupting in my stomach from the small gesture.

"Of course," She replied with a nod before walking over to her side of the car. "Ready to go?" She asked once she was in and had the seatbelt wrapped safely around her.

Unable to form words in my mouth, I nodded my head, smiled, and prayed to whatever god that was listening that I didn't end up messing everything up.

* * *

**Soooo... we've got ourselves the start of a Naomily dinner!**

**woo!**

**and Ava's adorable, is she not? :)**

**okie dokie, PLEASE leave reviews, they make me want to keep on writing :)**

**See you Thursday!**


	6. Chapter 6: Emily

**A/N-**

**Here we are again! thanks as usual for all your reviews and such :)**

**This one and the next are short, and i'm not sure about the one for next thursday as i haven't finished it yet... WHICH IS COMPLETELY SKINSFANATIC'S FAULT SO GO YELL AT HER.**

**okay, anyways, lets just get on with it yeah?**

**Disclaimer: NADA**

* * *

**EMILY**

Naomi was silent the entire ride to the restaurant. It didn't bother me, but it did make me more nervous. I could tell she was thinking hard about something, and it worried me, because I was almost certain she was thinking about me. She wanted to say something, I could tell, whether it was good or bad I didn't know, but I did know that it was only a matter of time before the words spilled out.

We pulled up in front of a rather expensive Japanese restaurant about ten minutes after we left Naomi's mum's house, and her eyes widened as I parked my mum's car in the car park.

"Jesus Emily," Naomi said as we both got out of the car, "this place is incredible.

I shrugged and held the door open for her, "I figured we deserved a nice meal. It's been ages since we've really spent any time together."

She looked away as I gave the hostess my name, I swear I saw the slight tinge of a blush on her cheeks.

We were led to a table in the far corner of the dimly lit restaurant and sat down at the small table for two. We sat silently as we looked through our menus and waited for the wine, to my surprise Naomi was the one to break the silence shortly after our wine arrived.

"This is really nice Ems," Naomi smiled after taking an experimental sip of her wine, I watched as she reacted pleasantly to the flavour and swirled the dark red liquid around in her glass.

"I'm glad you like it," I replied with a smile.

The conversation started to flow easily after that. She told me about Ava's apparent obsession with me, to which I was completely flattered. Ava really was one of the most adorable and most pleasant kids I had ever met. I loved kids, I always had, but they still got annoying, and got on my nerves sometimes. I could already tell Ava was different. I genuinely enjoyed every minute I spent with her. She was so mature, yet so childish at the same time, and an absolute joy to be around. Knowing that she enjoyed my company almost as much as I enjoyed hers warmed my heart.

We talked a little bit about me as well, mostly about my quest to find a job in photography, but I did all I could to steer the question away from me and toward her. Every time she asked a question that could lead to anything that had to do with my family I diverted and talked about something else. It wasn't that I didn't want her to know anything, I just didn't want to burden her with the drama of my homophobic mother and my overly obedient father, though I could tell she was curious about everything. Regardless of her curiosity, I didn't talk about it. Family was still a sore subject for me, and I had no desire to put a damper on our otherwise lovely evening.

"Emily," Naomi said hesitantly after the waiter took away our plates, I raised my eyebrows, urging her to continue, "I just, I really need to apologise. For how things ended," I tried to say something, to stop her from bringing back the pain of our past, but she put up her hand in protest, "Please, I need to say this." I hesitated, but nodded for her to continue, "I shouldn't have walked away from you that morning at the lake, I shouldn't have ignored you at college, I shouldn't have said the things I did and locked you out of my house." She looked down at her lap and a tear fell onto her hands, "I should have listened when you begged me to come outside.

"Naomi," I said, desperate for her to stop talking. I could already feel the familiar pain of abandonment washing through my body. Remembering how broken I felt when I had to leave without her even saying goodbye. Remembering the way I felt made me want to hate her, but sitting across from her I knew I never could. My pain was her pain, the regret I knew she was feeling even all those years later affected me just as much as I knew my pain affected her.

"I know, you probably don't want to talk about it because I was such a cunt, but I need you to know how completely sorry I am," She looked up at me, her eyes pleading, "I regret every bad thing I did to you. I was a stupidly confused teenager and I used you. I shouldn't have let my confusion wreck our friendship and I sure as hell shouldn't have pushed you away like I did."

"It's okay," I said, avoiding looking into her pain filled eyes. But even though I wanted my words to be true, I knew they weren't one hundred percent. It wasn't okay, not yet, and I felt like I wanted to scream at her all over again, beg her to just admit the things I knew she felt then, and hoped she felt now. But I knew if I did it would send her running, and I wasn't ready to loose her again, "Just, can we forget about it, at least for now? It's the past and you're back in my life again and I don't want the things that happened before to ruin that."

"Yeah," She sighed, sitting back in her chair, "for now. I'm really glad you're back Em."

"Me too," I smiled, feeling the blush run up my neck to my cheeks.

"And," She continued, raising her glass to her lips, "I hope you're planning to stick around because I'm thoroughly convinced Ava likes you more than me."

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my wine as well, "I don't blame her really."

"Oh yeah?"

"I mean I am lovely aren't I?" I asked cheekily. She laughed and set her glass on the table. "Probably a lot more fun than you as well, I know Ava is."

"Well then, maybe next time you should just bring Ava on a date and I'll stay back with my mum." I smiled to myself at her choice of words, but quickly turned it into a smirk.

"I think that's the best suggestion you've had all night." She feigned indignation and kicked my shin.

"Bitch." She smiled, eliciting giggles from us both.

"She really is a wonderful little girl," I said when our laughter died down, "I'm not entirely convinced she came from you."

"Oi!" She kicked me again, "I promise you, she is definitely my spawn. Got the eye roll capabilities and sarcasm of a Campbell to prove it."

"God, what is she, four? And she's already rolling her eyes at you?"

She laughed and nodded, "Is it horrible that I'm proud of it?"

I shook my head and laughed, "It's still weird to think of you as a mum," I sighed after we sat silently for a few moments, "no offence."

"None taken, I honestly don't blame you." She set her now empty glass down on the table, "I mean the last you remember of me I was a political activist more focused on saving sodding pigs than the way I treated the people I cared most about."

"That you were," I agreed, "but that was years ago, I'm sure you're much more mature now."

"I wouldn't say much," she smirked, "but a little bit." She glanced down at her watch and her brow furrowed before she looked back up at me, "I'm really sorry, but I think we should call it a night. I didn't realise how late it was." I looked at my own watch and my eyes widened in surprise. It was nearly half ten, though it felt like our evening had only just begun.

"It's no problem," I smiled, standing up out of my chair, "I'm sure Ava is missing you terribly.

"I am quite missable," She smiled, following me as we walked out of the restaurant.

Our easy smalltalk continued the entire ride home, and I didn't stop smiling for a minute. Just being near Naomi was making me feel like a teenager again. Her voice still sent butterflies soaring through my stomach, her smile still made my heart swell. I knew I shouldn't have been thinking the things I was, I would end up getting hurt if I did, but I couldn't help it. Every time she giggled or her hand brushed my arm all I wanted to do was pull her towards me and kiss her. It took as much internal debating as I could muster to push those feelings down. I'd made the mistake of letting my lust for Naomi ruin our friendship once before, I wasn't about to let it happen again.

"I've had an absolutely lovely time," She smiled as I walked her up to her mum's yellow front door.

"So have I," I agreed, "thanks for coming out with me, I know you'd probably much rather spend your time with Ava, but it was nice."

She smiled, glancing toward the house before turning back to me, "Speaking of my daughter, she's been begging to have you over again, apparently you make for a lovely playmate."

"You guys should come to my house sometime," I offered, she raised an eyebrow at me.

"Don't you live with your parents?"

"Yeah," I looked at my feet, feeling the heat spread across my cheeks, "but they're out of town visiting James at uni next weekend, maybe you and Ava could come over and we could have a barbecue or something?"

"Yeah," she smiled after thinking about it for a moment, "Okay, I'm sure Ava will be thrilled."

"Great!" I smiled, probably a little too enthusiastically. She smirked at me and we stood in silence for a few more moments until my embarrassment died down, "I'll text you, with the details and everything."

"Okay," Naomi said, smiling again before pulling me into an unexpected hug.

I tensed at first, but by the time her arms were wrapped completely around me I was relaxing into her, relishing in the feel of her body against my own. "Thanks again Emily," She smiled when she pulled away, much too soon yet somehow not soon enough, "I'll talk to you later."

I simply smiled and nodded, watching as she walked into the house. Once she was safely inside I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My entire body felt like it was on fire, her touch made me feel like every nerve in my body was suddenly alive. It was intoxicating, and I wanted more. Which scared the absolute _shit _out of me. I knew how Naomi could be, she got scared of things and she ran, not caring who she left behind. I didn't want to go through what I did in college again, and there was a very likely possibility that if I kept having these thoughts, allowing her to affect me the way she was, I would.

I didn't know if I could deal with that again, the complete sense of betrayal I felt when she denied everything we were, when she called me those awful names and said things that still hurt to think about. But I also didn't think I could stop it. Whatever was going on between us, whether it was friendship or something more, was going to happen no matter what I did. All I could do was sit back, wait, and pray that things turned out okay.

* * *

**Laaa de da. i have to go babysit now. YAY.**

**mmmmmmmkkk leave me your reviews and such**

**SEE YA MONDAY**


	7. Chapter 7: Naomi

**A/N-**

**I've got some pretty horrible news guys... I think i've mentioned before that a few of my twitter friends got me hooked on doctor who *COUGH* SkinsFanatic jaybonesss23 and garden-nomes *END COUGH* SO, i've been severely slacking in the writing department. AKA i haven't written a word of this story since i got home over a week ago, and this is the last post i have written...****  
**

**I'm going to start writing right now, and i HOPE i'll still be able to keep up with the whole Monday/Thursday thing we've got going on, but if i can't, don't hate me kay?**

**Anywho, on with the story. this is a shortish one, sorry!**

**OH! and Merry Christmas/Hanukah/whatever holiday you're celebrating this season! I hope you get lots of presents and eat lots of food :)**

**Disclaimer: someone could give me skins for christmas if they really wanted to...**

* * *

**NAOMI**

I woke up the next morning with a small arm resting on my face and two small lets draped over my own. If it was any other person forcing me to sleep so uncomfortably I would push them away and give them an earful for being a selfish tit, but looking down at the peaceful face of my little girl pushed any anger or discomfort from my mind. Instead I laid there with a smile and watched her eyelids flutter as she dreamed. I managed to focus on her for a full thirty seconds before a different beautiful face flashed through my mind.

I couldn't get the image of how stunning Emily had looked the night before out of my mind. Nor could I stop thinking about how absolutely wonderful it was to spent time with her again. Being with her was so different from being with anybody else. I didn't feel the need to start some sort of conversation every second I was with her. Either we talked, and it flowed naturally and perfectly, or we sat in a comfortable silence, which was just as lovely. It was easy with her. I could be myself and not worry about what she would think because I knew no matter what, she would never be the one to run away.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of the doorbell ringing, and with a groan as I glanced at the clock and noticed it wasn't even eight yet, I gently pushed Ava off of me and climbed out of bed. I watched to make sure she didn't wake up, and smiled as she snuggled back into the blankets and pillows I had just vacated.

I pulled my fluffy dressing gown on and quietly walked toward the front door, my eyes starting to roll as soon as I pulled it open.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I demanded as Effy pushed her way past me, "Yes, please, do come in."

"Wow, Naomi. Still as hospitable as ever I see."

"It's barely half seven on a Saturday," I reasoned, following her into the kitchen.

"Please don't tell me you forgot."

I scrunched my eyebrows and looked at her, "forgot what?"

She gave me a stern look and I racked my brain for any commitments I had made to her, but came up completely blank. She groaned at my sheepish smile as she opened the fridge and started digging around inside.

"You promised to let me use your kitchen today?" She raised her eyebrows, I still had no idea what she was talking about, "For the huge dinner I have to cook for Freddie's entire family tonight? Come on Naomi I told you about this months ago." I nodded my head, vaguely remembering her mention something about a family reunion of some sorts. The information slowly clicked together as I remembered agreeing to let her take over my kitchen for the day, I hadn't completely forgotten about it, I just didn't realise it was already April.

"Shit, that's today?" I finally asked, looking into her expectant glare.

"Yes Naomi, that is today," She said, annoyingly calm, "make yourself useful and go get the food out of my car." She shooed me toward the door and I grudgingly made my way out of the house.

There was enough food in the back of Effy's car to feed half of England, so by the time I made it back inside dragging it all with me I wasn't surprised to see Ava sitting at the breakfast bar with a small smile on her face, Effy was nowhere to be seen.

"Good morning Mummy," She smiled at me, pushing her blonde locks out of her face. I set the food on the table before walking over and tenderly kissing the top of her head.

"Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?"

"Good," She sighed, "can you make me eggs?"

"Not today, Auntie Eff is using the kitchen."

"Auntie Effy is here?" She asked, her entire face lighting up. I smiled down at her and nodded.

"She's got to cook a lot of food today though, so we have to stay out of her way."

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, "but I miss her. Can't she play games with me?"

"Not today sweetie," I kissed the top of her head before walking over to the cupboard and pulling out some coco pops, "But I promise we will have her over again soon. Maybe she can come to dinner sometime."

"Can Auntie Effy _and _Emily come?"

"I'll have to ask Emily," I smiled.

"Emily?" Effy asked, raising her eyebrows as she walked into the room. I felt myself automatically blush under Effy's stare.

"Emily is Mummy's new friend. She's very beautiful and helped me make a fort when she came over."

"Oh really?" Effy asked, walking over and kissing Ava's forehead. Ava nodded with a large smile and accepted the bowl of cereal from me. I could feel Effy's eyes on me so I did everything I could to avoid looking at her.

I busied myself taking Effy's groceries out of their bags and tidying the already spotless kitchen. And thankfully, Effy seemed to have ceased her questioning glances, and moved past her curiosity. Or at least I thought she had until Ava left to go get changed.

"So, Emily?" she asked me, a small smirk on her lips. I tried to hide the blush rushing up my cheeks, but I was certain she saw it anyways.

"Yeah, Emily," I said, no hint of amusement in my tone. I knew she would take the piss, and I really wasn't in the mood for it. I had enough going on in my head without her bugging me about it as well.

"Emily Fitch?" she asked, though I was certain she already knew the answer. I rolled my eyes pointedly and grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl.

"What other Emily would it be?"

Effy shrugged and started unwrapping a package of sausages. I ate my banana and watched her, waiting for the interrogation I knew was coming. Effy knew everything about what happened between me and Emily. I hadn't been great friends with her when everything happened, but after I found out about Ava and Cook left she was the one who was there for me. I broke down one night, and for the first time in my life I let someone in. I let her see all of my fucked up scars, and she didn't judge. She didn't make me feel weak, or like a coward, she just held me and made me truly believe that everything would be okay. "How is she?" She finally asked, I paused, my banana halfway in my mouth, then shrugged and continued eating.

"She's fine. She went traveling for a while and ran out of money so she had to move back in with her parents."

"And you still have feelings for her," She said, not questioning at all, just knowing. How the fuck she could pick up on _anything _from one sentence was beyond me, but by this point I was used to her knowing things about myself before I even did.

I took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. Questioning whether or not Effy's statement could be true.

I thought back to how I felt when I was with her, how easy it was to talk to her, or not talk to her for that matter. I felt so comfortable when I was with her, I always had. And when we touched, any time my hand simply brushed against her arm my skin would tingle and my entire body would perk up. Nobody before her, or after for that matter, girl or guy, had ever made me feel the way she did.

I looked up at Effy and focused on the back of her head, hesitant to admit what was so blindingly true, "I'm not gay though," I said instead of what I knew what she was wanting to hear. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, "Look, don't give me shit okay? I'm serious. Yes, I still have fucking feelings for her. I don't know why and I haven't even admitted it to myself until now, but I do." I took a deep breath and threw my half eaten fruit in the bin, no longer interested in using it as a distraction, "I just don't get it. I've never felt any sort of attraction for a girl before."

"Have you ever felt attraction for a guy?" She asked, turning to look at me.

I rolled my eyes, "You knew me after Emily left, obviously I felt attracted to guys. I shagged half the bloody college for fucks sake."

"That doesn't mean you're attracted to them," She said, I wanted to be annoyed with her, but the look on her face told me she was genuinely trying to help, "just because society wants to smack a label on your forehead doesn't mean you have to limit yourself. Sure, you fancy guys and shag the living daylights out of them, that doesn't mean you can't have feelings for a girl."

"So you're saying I'm what, bisexual?"

"No, I'm saying you're Naomi," She said simply, walking over and putting her hands on my arms, "you shag guys because it's easy and they're sexy, but you have feelings for a beautiful girl. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that." I gave her a weak smile and wrapped my arms around her torso.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I mumbled into her shoulder. She squeezed around my neck and kissed the side of my head, "I really hurt her before," I said as I pulled away, "And now we've got this friendship building," I shook my head as I felt tears welling in my eyes, "I don't want to fuck it up."

"Give it some time, she only just came back into your life. Be friends with her for now, and if it goes somewhere, let it. If not, you'll know it was never mean to be."

"Who knew you could be so poetic," I laughed, she rolled her eyes and nudged me with her elbow, "and thanks."

"Anytime babe," She kissed my cheek and started pushing me out of the kitchen, "now get out of here, I've got food to cook and unless you're helping, I don't want you taking up my space." I smiled at her one more time before walking up the stairs and into my room. I sat down on my bed, finally not trying to stop the thoughts that were running through my mind. It felt good to finally admit it. That I had feelings for Emily. The only other time I had admitted it was when I was seventeen, crying on Effy's shoulder and telling her all of my deepest regrets and fears. Five years later though, I wasn't scared, I didn't want to run from my feelings. I was older, more mature, and finally ready to let myself care for someone, let someone care for _me. _Even if it meant I was giving them the power to absolutely destroy me. The thing was with Emily, I knew I was giving her that power, but I didn't care, and I wasn't scared, because I knew she never would.

* * *

**And there we are.**

**i'll try my best to get the next post done by thursday, but 'tis the season and i'm extremely busy with like.. wrapping, and family, and stuff. (definitely NOT doctor who.)**

**Let me know your thoughts!PLEASE! :)**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	8. Chapter 8: Emily

**A/N-**

**i already did this once but SkinsFanatic made it go away so I have to start all over. **

**I don't remember what I said.. Something about how I'm on my iPad so formatting might be weRid. OH. and that I hope you all had a lovely holiday and didn't drink too much alcohol like SOME people I know. **

**Thanks as as always for your support! I love you guys!**

**disclaimer: nobody bought me ACTUAL skins for Christmas, but I got thE DVDs which is cool. EVEN THOUGH THE AMERICAN ONES HAVE SHIT MUSIC. sorry. I'm still upset. **

* * *

**EMILY**

I straightened out my crisp white shirt for the millionth time on Saturday morning, making sure I looked presentable for the interview I had in less than in hour. It wasn't anything special, just a spot working at the public library, but it was something, and I needed to get a job and get the hell out of my parent's house.

When I was sure I looked professional I grabbed my coat and pulled it over my shoulders as I walked out of my room. I almost made it to the front door before my mum stepped in front of me with an annoyingly satisfied smile on her face.

"Off to another interview I assume?" She asked as I slipped my boots onto my feet.

"Yeah at the library."

"Right, lovely, I'm sure you'll do great," She said, trying to sound assuring but I could tell she wasn't exactly impressed. She wouldn't be unless I came home saying I'd decided to go to university and become a doctor after all, but we both knew that was not very likely. "You've not got plans tonight have you?"

I shrugged, I had actually been hoping to stop by Naomi's house for a little while if she was free, but I wasn't about to tell my mum that.

"Great! A friend of your dad's is in town with his son, he's a lovely lad, twenty-five and already at a very prestigious law firm. Handsome too, and he,"

I cut her off with an annoyed sigh, "Mum, I'm gay. Setting me up with some tosser I don't even know isn't going to change that."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Emily I wish you would stop with all this nonsense. You just haven't met the right boy yet, and when you do you'll forget all about this phase you're going through."

"Right, okay, because my two year relationship with a woman and the countless other women I've slept with is just a phase. My mistake."

Her eyes widened and she was about to retort with something but I was out the door, slamming it shut behind me before she had the chance to.

* * *

Despite my declining mood, courtesy of my mother, my interview went great. When I got there they told me that I basically already had the job, and the interview was just a technicality, so I would be able to start working on Monday.

It wasn't my ideal job, but getting a job in photography without any sort of past experience or degree was going to be almost impossible, and being surrounded by books on a daily basis seemed like a pretty great alternative.

I opened my phone as I walked out of the library, already feeling much better than I had not even an hour before, the name above the message notification I had only made it better.

**_Hey, how'd the interview go? N xx_**

I had to repeatedly tell myself not to look too much into the two kisses at the end of the message.

_It went great! I start on Monday :)_

**_That's great Ems! I may just have to take Ava to find a new book sometime this week :)_**

My heart swelled and a ridiculously large smile broke out on my face as I walked down the street.

_Her book collection was looking a little sparse..._

**_Oi! She has a lovely book collection thank you very much!_**

**_Then why go to the library? Have a thing for librarians or something?_**

I knew I was stepping into dangerous territory with that question, but I really wanted to see how she would respond. She didn't respond right away, and every second that passed my heart sank lower in my stomach. But when my phone finally buzzed again almost ten minutes later, and I read the message on my screen, all of my doubts were replaced with my heart swelling to the size of a house and a smile so big forming on my face I was sure it was going to freeze that way.

**_Well my own collection is lacking a bit...  
And most definitely._**

My face flushed as my thumbs scrambled to type out a suitable response, but before I could finish the message my phone started buzzing in my hand and my sister's name popped up on the screen. I debated not answering, but I knew if I didn't she would just call again, so I reluctantly pressed the green button and brought the phone up to my ear.

"Hello Katie," I greeted, far more cheerily than I had intended.

_"What the fucks got you so happy?"_

Naomi, "I got a job," I said instead of what I was actually thinking, "and I'm rather excited about it."

"_Where at?"_

"The library." she scoffed as expected, and I rolled my eyes.

_"God Emsy you're such a fucking loser."_

"Thank you ever so much Katiekins," I retorted as I walked into a clothing store, "So what do you need?"

_"Can I not just call to talk to you?"_

"When was the last time you just wanted to talk to me?"

There was a pause, and I smirked to myself as I looked through the racks of clothes.

_"Fuck you,"_ She finally said, _"I just wanted to ask if you could help out a bit with the wedding."_

"Isn't that mum's job?" I asked, having absolutely no desire to deal with floral arrangements and colour coordination.

_"She can't really help with what I want from you," _She said hesitantly, _"Well I mean she could hire someone for it, but I'd rather have you do it,"_

"Right, and what would that be?"

_"I want you to do the pictures,"_ she said shyly, my hand froze in place between two black shirts.

"The pictures?" I asked, feeling excitement, and trepidation rising up inside of me.

_"Yeah, I mean I trust you more than any of the tossers mum would hire."_

"But, I mean, I'm not like, a professional."

_"You're far more talented than most of the professionals out there."_

"You really want me to take the pictures for the wedding?"

_"For some of it at least, you wouldn't be able to do the ceremony because obviously you're in it, but the reception and most of the pictures of me and Peter."_

"Who's gonna do the ceremony then?"

_"Well,"_ She said, even more hesitant than she had been before, _"I was kind of hoping maybe you could call Sian and see if she could do it for us?"_

I paused again at the mention of my ex-girlfriend, "Why Sian?"

_"Because she's almost as talented as you,"_ Katie reasoned, _"If it'll be a problem we can find someone else."_

"No, it's no problem at all, you know Sian and I are on good terms," I replied, and we were. We had been together for the better part of two years, and travelled the world together before we split up. The breakup wasn't anything bad, we both just realised we were better off as friends, so that's what we became.

_"I know I just wanted to check with you and make sure first."_

"Right, well I don't have a problem with it at all. I can call her and ask if she'd be interested if you want."

_"That would be perfect, thanks Emsy, and like I said, we'll pay you."_  
"You don't have to do that," I insisted, "Give Sian a little something because she actually like does photography for a living now, but I don't need it."

_"Emily,"_

"No Kay, really, I don't need anything. Just work out all the details with dates and times and everything and I'll talk to Sian about it."

"_Okay_," She said warily, "_You already know the date of the wedding, I'll work out times and everything with Peter as soon as I can."_

"Sounds good," I agreed, pulling a red flannel shirt out and holding it up to my body, "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and started scrolling through my contacts as I took a couple of shirts towards the dressing room, tapping Sian's name and bringing the phone to my ear as soon as I found it.

"_Hey Em, how's Bristol treating you?_" She greeted after the third ring. I smiled to myself at her familiar voice, it had been almost a month since I saw her, I wasn't going to lie, I missed her.

"It's really good," I smiled, images of Naomi popping into my mind, "Hows Manchester without me?"

"_Boring as fuck,"_ She groaned and I laughed, "_Seriously, there's nobody to go out with anymore."_

"I'm sorry, you'll just have to come visit me here."

"_I'm really tempted to," _She sighed, "_How's the club scene there?_"

"I wouldn't know, I haven't gone out yet."

"_Really_?" She asked, the disbelief in her tone made me roll my eyes, "_You've been there a week, with no job or responsibilities, and you haven't gone out once?"_

"Well I mean I went out with someone, but it wasn't to a club or anything."

"_Oh? Who with? And what did you do?"_

"An old," I hesitated, looking for the right word, "friend? We just went out for dinner last night."

_"An old friend eh?" _I rolled my eyes as I pulled a shirt over my head.

"Yes an old friend," I sighed, "look, I'll go into details about that with you later, but for now I need to offer you a small job."

"_A job?"_ She asked, sounding intrigued.

"Yeah, Katie wants me to do the pictures for her wedding, but I obviously can't do all of them since I'll be in it, so she was wondering if you'd be interested in helping out. She'll pay you of course."

"_Yeah I'd love to!"_

"Awesome, I'll text you the dates and time and everything once Katie gets them to me."

_"Sounds good babe."_

"Anyway, I'm shopping, so I'm gonna let you go, but you should come up here and visit me sometime."

_"I definitely will," _she replied, "_talk to you later Ems."_

"Bye Sian."

I smiled to myself and gathered up the clothes I had tried on as I hit the end call button.

Most people thought my relationship with Sian was strange, and in many ways it was. We were together for over two years. Two years of travelling to romantic places, cheesy romantic dinners and nights spent in each others arms, whispering quiet 'I love you's'. Yet, a month after arriving home from our travels we were both able to walk away from that part of our relationship and just be friends. It wasn't messy. Nobody cheated or walked away. We both just decided we worked better as friends rather than lovers, and had been just that ever since.

* * *

It wasn't until I was walking out of the store almost a half hour later with a nice new shirt to hopefully impress Naomi with that I realised I had never texted her back. I quickly reached into my back pocket and pulled out my phone.

_**Sorry, I didn't mean that how it sounded. Will Tuesday be good for us to come see you?**_

My heart sank the slightest bit at her words but a small bit of excitement still formed at the prospect of her coming to visit me at work.

_Yeah, I work until five so as long as you get there before then._

Her response came seconds later.

**_Great, it's my early day so Ava and I should be there by three._**

_Three will be perfect :)_

**_Okay we will see you then! Oh, and Ava says hi and that she can't wait to play work you._**

I smiled to myself as I Typed out another response.

_Tell Ava I say hello as well :) and tell her I can't wait to play with her either. She's much more fun than her boring old mum ;)_

_**Oi you bitch!**_

_You know it's true_

**_Ava is calling me a boring old gran now. Thanks for that_**.

I laughed out loud as I stepped out of the way of multiple people, gaining amused expressions from all of them.

_You're welcome :) my battery is about to die so I've got to go, but I'll see you Tuesday... Granny;)_

**_Yeah yeah. See you Tuesday. Bitch :)_**

I wished I could stop myself from feeling so excited at the prospect of Naomi and Ava coming to visit me. The smarter, more cautious part of me insisted that they weren't going to the library for me, they were going because they enjoyed books and there was no better place to get them. But the more optimistic, and probably for the first time ever, correct part of me was squealing at the fact that Naomi cared enough about me to take time out of her day to spend even a few minutes in my company.

* * *

**So doing this for a second time makes me that much MORE unhappy with it. But oh we'll. i hope you all enjoyed it anyways :)**

**let me know your thoughts and I hope I'll see you Monday!**


	9. Chapter 9: Naomi

**A/N-**

**Sooo sorry i didn't get any up on Monday! I've been super busy with the holidays, as well as being sick, and just haven't had the time to write!**

**I hope you all had a happy and safe new year and are enjoying 2014 so far!**

**Special thanks to SkinsFanatic for bugging me about writing this chapter and hitting me in the face with inspiration :) And just so you know, i would have had this up last night but i fell asleep when i was writing it... OOPS.**

**I do hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: skins isn't mine and i don't want to talk about it.**

* * *

**NAOMI**

"Ava get your stuff it's time to go!" I shouted up my mum's staircase after work on Tuesday.

I was anxious. That much was clear. After my texting conversation with Emily on Saturday I couldn't stop thinking about how embarrassed I was. I had originally thought she was trying to flirt with me, so I, for the first time ever, decided to do it back. But her prolonged silence was all the proof I needed that flirting had _not _been her intention. Thankfully, we had somehow managed to steer away from the awkward conversation that was sure to follow, and move into safer, joking territory instead.

"What's got you in such a hurry?" My mum asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

I sighed and gripped the rail of the staircase as I turned to look at her, "nothing,I'm just surprising her and taking her to see Emily at work today and I want to make sure we make it there before she leaves."

"Ah yes," She said, the smile on her face making me uneasy, "Kieran told me a bit about her." I felt the blood drain from my face and my entire expression turn to one of dread. "Jesus christ it wasn't anything bad. You don't have to look like I've killed someone."

"What, uh," I scratched the back of my head anxiously. "what did he tell you?"

"Just that he used to see you two together a lot," She said, just as I heard Ava's footsteps starting down the stairs. I sighed in relief, but the feeling only lasted a few seconds, "and that he'd heard from some other students that you two slept together."

My eyes widened and my heart sank all the way down to my knees. I had never even _approached _the idea of telling my mum anything about mine and Emily's past, but if I ever had to I sure as hell wouldn't want her hearing about it from my bloody step-dad.

"Mummy what does slept together mean?" Ava asked, grabbing onto my hand as she reached the bottom step.

My jaw dropped and I looked down at my daughter's curious eyes, panic rushing through me all over again.

"Don't worry about it sweetie," my mum butted in stepping closer to us and still eying me curiously. I averted my eyes from hers and looked down at Ava with as good of a smile as I could manage.

"Ready to go bug?"

"Yes, can we have pizza for dinner tonight?" I laughed and helped her slip her coat over her shoulders.

"Maybe, it depends how long we stay at the library for."

She groaned and tugged on my arm, "I don't want to go to the library."

"Well we're going so go put your shoes on."

She groaned again and dropped my hand before stomping over toward the front door.

"You know I don't care if you're gay," My mum said.

"Mum!" I protested, having no desire to have this conversation with her at all, let alone when my four year old daughter was in the same room.

"Shut it you," She reprimanded, "I'm serious, and you can talk to me about things, I'm not going to judge you." I could hear the sincerity in her voice, but it didn't make me any more open to the idea of _actually_ telling her anything.

"There's nothing to talk to you about," I said, the disappointment in her eyes was evident but I ignored it and walked toward Ava, "thanks for watching her, I'll see you on Thursday."

She stared at me for a few seconds before smiling weakly and walking up to us, "Of course, I'll see you later. Goodbye little bug."

"Bye Granny," Ava replied, reaching up to kiss my mum's cheek before grabbing onto my hand again.

I waved to my mum one last time before pulling open the front door and leading Ava outside.

* * *

She complained the entire ride to the library, insisting she had enough books and didn't need to find any more. She just wanted to go home to play with her toys and eat pizza. By the time we got there she was bugging me so much I almost didn't want to go at all, but I parked the car anyways, ignored my nerves and led her into the building.

As could be expected, the library was almost silent. The only noise coming from two girls studying together at a table and a small boy and his mum reading quietly out loud in the children's section.

"Mummy I don't want to get any books today," Ava whisper whined as I searched the room for that familiar head of red hair. I shushed her, a smile forming on my face when I finally spotted it peeping out from behind a trolly full of books.

I tugged Ava's hand and she reluctantly followed me toward the bookshelves. It wasn't until we were close enough that she could probably hear us that Emily popped up from behind the trolly. As soon as she saw us her eyes locked with mine and the brightest smile I ever remember seeing formed on her face. I was so lost In her eyes I didn't even notice Ava had let go of my hand until she jumped into Emily's arms and Emily was forced to look away from me.

"Hello Ava, how are you?" Emily asked, picking Ava up and kissing her cheek. Ava linked her arms around Emily's neck and smiled widely at her.

"My mummy didn't tell me you were gonna be here," She commented, narrowing her eyes at me before turning her attention back to Emily.

"Oh she didn't did she?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No because I wanted it to be a surprise," I reasoned, walking up to both of them, "I didn't think she was going to be such a grumpy little butt about it."

"Grumpy?" Emily asked, "She doesn't seem grumpy," she turned her gaze to Ava, "are you grumpy?"

"No Mummy is," she giggled.

"I think you're right," Emily agreed, briefly pinching Ava's side and causing her to squirm.

"You guys are both rude," I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I think you're just jealous," Emily smirked.

"Yeah Mummy you're jealous."

I rolled my eyes and leaned against one of the book shelves, "So Emily, how are you enjoying the new job?"

"It's great," She smiled, boosting Ava up on her hip, "nice and relaxed, and when I get bored I have an endless supply of entertainment."

"Are you a librarian?" Ava asked.

"Kind of," Emily smiled, "I'm more of a book monkey at the moment, but librarian sounds better."

Ava giggled, "you don't look like a monkey."

"How about now?" Emily asked as she puffed out her cheeks and pulled her right ear out. Ava laughed and pushed on her cheeks, forcing the air out of her mouth and making her laugh even more. I just stood there silently and watched as they both continued to laugh and play with each other.

It made me happier than I could ever describe to see them taking so well to each other. Ava was the single most important person in my life since the day she was born, and before that, though I'd never have admitted it, Emily was. To see them both getting along so well was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

Now I knew it meant nothing for my relationship with Emily. Just because she got on with my daughter didn't mean she would ever be interested in any sort of relationship with me. But I hoped it could at least help me build up the friendship I had broken all those years ago. Even if Emily never wanted me as anything more than a friend again, I knew, if only for Ava's sake, I'd always have her in my life in one way or another.

* * *

Emily did have to get back to work eventually, but after a tremendous amount of begging on Ava's part, she agreed to come over to our house after she got off of work. Ava wanted to stay and wait in the library with her, in fact she insisted, but I managed to get her to agree to go back with me with promises of pizza and ice cream.

Distracting Ava when we got home was the most taxing part of the evening. We got there a little after four, and from the moment we walked in the door she was asking when Emily would be there. I was honestly starting to wonder if she like Emily more than me.

"Mummy can we have our ice cream in waffle cones?" Ava asked as we got out the ingredients for our homemade pizzas. I could have just ordered in, or cooked a frozen one, but Ava loved making her own and I loved seeing her smile, so I splurged.

"I'm not sure if we have any," I said apologetically as I brushed my fingers through her hair, "next time I'll make sure to buy some though."

"Okay," She sighed and picked up the packet of dough, "when is Emily gonna be here?"

"Soon," I promised, for the millionth time, and poured the cheese into a bowl, "do you want to get started on the dough now so we can eat sooner? Or would you rather wait for Emily."

She looked contemplatively at the dough in her hand for a few moments before holding it up toward me, "lets start now because Emily is going to be hungry when she gets here."

"Oh is she?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I cut into the plastic wrapping. Ava nodded and smiled.

"Yes because she told me so. And she said she likes pizza a lot when I asked her."

"That's just perfect then," I smiled and handed her the lump of dough. She started playing with it in her hands as I spread flour on the cutting board, doing my best not to get any of it on my clothes. "All right bug, lay down the dough and start stretching it."

She smiled excitedly up at me and dropped the dough onto the board with a satisfied grunt. She started kneading at it and spreading it out, and when I tried to help her she shoved my hands away, "No Mummy this is my job. You can put on the sauce."

I rolled my eyes and wiped my hair out of my face, stepping back and allowing her to work. It took her almost ten minutes, but she _finally _got the dough spread out enough to put sauce on it. It was uneven, and would more than likely end up dripping cheese into the oven, but she was proud of her work and so was I.

Just as I started to spread the sauce the doorbell rang and Ava hopped down off of her stool, her face filled with excitement, "I'll get it!"

"No, no, no," I protested, setting the spoon and the bowl down, she paused in the doorway to the kitchen and looked back at me, "what are the rules about answering the door?"

She pouted out her lower lip and looked down at her feet, "not to do it by myself," she mumbled.

"That's right," I smiled, rubbing the top of her head, and getting flour in her hair, as I passed her. She followed shortly behind me to the door, and as soon as I opened it and we were met with a smiling Emily on the other side she rushed past me, connecting herself to Emily's legs almost immediately.

"Emily! Me and Mummy are making pizza for dinner!"

"Are you?" Emily asked, sounding genuinely interested.

Ava nodded excitedly and detached herself from Emily's leg, only to grab her hand instead, "come on you can help!"

Ava tried to pull her toward the kitchen but Emily stayed in place, "Why don't you go in there and wait for us? I want to have a word with your mum really quick okay?"

Ava nodded and pushed her hair out of her face, "but hurry up okay?"

"I promise."

"Am I in trouble?" I asked when Ava was safely in the kitchen. Emily laughed, sending a pleasant shiver through my spine, and shook her head.

"No, I just wanted to thank you for inviting me over, and for visiting me at work today," she said, stepping inside so I could close the door behind her, "you and Ava are quite a bit more interesting than a bunch of books."

"Aren't you the one who said books are a source of endless entertainment?"

"Well, yes, but talking to people you like is even _more _entertaining."

"Now you're just trying to flatter me."

"Maybe," She smirked, "Is it working?"

Her eyes were boring into mine with such intensity it took me a few moments to mumble out a coherent response, "maybe."

She laughed and reached her hand forward, brushing her hand across my right cheek, my smile faltered at her touch, and it took everything I had to keep my eyes from fluttering closed, "You've got a bit of flour on your face."

"We uh," I stammered, "we were making pizza." Her fingers were still lingering against my cheek and the smile on her face was gone, replaced by a look I hadn't seen in years. It was the same look she got in her eyes at that party in middle school, and just like then, she slowly, oh so hesitantly, moved her face closer to mine.

"Mummy you still need to spread the sauce!" Ava shouted from the kitchen, breaking us out of whatever trance we had been in. Emily snatched her hand back and quickly looked away from me, while I cleared my throat and straightened myself out.

"We're coming," I yelled back weakly, not taking my eyes off of Emily. She glanced up at me shyly, her face turning crimson, before gesturing toward the kitchen door and slowly making her way toward it.

I took a few deep breaths and shook my head in a failed attempt to clear my thoughts before following behind her.

"Okay then," I sighed, stepping up next to Ava and taking the sauce out of her hands, "lets make some pizza."

My heart fluttered as I started to spread the sauce and noticed Emily glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. The looks she was giving me as we spread sauce and sprinkled cheese were confusing me more than anything. Sometimes, they were just the kind of looks I longed to see. The looks like the ones she used to give me in college. The looks that reflected just how much I wanted her. But those were the rare ones. More often than not, when she glanced over at me, her expression was filled with trepidation, sadness, and always _always, _laced with the hurt nobody but me was responsible for putting there.

* * *

**So there we go, i'm gonna try to get faster with these updates, and keep up with the whole monday thursday thing from here on out, but i'm a huge slacker so unfortunately no promises. **

**but i'll do my best! love you guys and appreciate all of your continued support!**

**Review away!**


	10. Chapter 10: Emily

**A/N-**

**Guys i can't even express how very dearly sorry i am for this extended delay. Last week was spent with my friends and family before coming back to school and this week has been spent adjusting and i just haven't had much time to write and what time i have had has been taken over by SkinsFanatic so blame her. Just kidding, i told her i wouldn't blame her so I'M NOT GONNA. :) I do want to actually genuinely thank her because she helped me a lot with ending this one. and also by making me write by IGNORING ME cause she's RUDE. so THANKS!**

**seriously though.. i'm really sorry you guys. I'm gonna try to be better with this but my schedule is already crazy, and i'm facing major writer's block, so unfortunately i can't guarantee super speedy updates anymore :(**

**I promise i'm trying, and i thank you all for reading and reviewing and for your continued support**

**I hope you enjoy**

**Disclaimer: noooooope**

* * *

I almost kissed Naomi.

And she almost _let _me.

Which scared me much more than I ever thought it would. Yes I wanted to kiss her, I was _dying _to feel her lips against my own again, but I had never been so grateful for being interrupted as I did when I walked into the kitchen and stood next to Ava. If I had kissed her, if I had crossed that line that tore us apart as teenagers, I could have ruined _everything. _Just because she got caught up in a moment and almost let me do it, didn't mean it was what she wanted, or was ready for. I'd kissed her multiple times in college, and yet she still ended up breaking my heart.

I didn't know if I was ready to risk going through that pain again for the satisfaction of one simple kiss.

So, though I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and feel her skin against mine, I refrained. I still stole glances as we made and ate our pizza, wishing I wasn't so scared of getting hurt again, wishing she wanted me, but more than anything wishing that she would be brave and make the first move.

The longer I spent in her presence, the easier it was to ignore the desire I had for her. It was backwards, and a bit confusing, but being around her, at least when Ava was there, made me almost forget how desperate I was for something more than friends.

"Alright bug, go get ready for bed and we'll watch a movie." Naomi said a little after eight. We had spent the last hour playing board games and eating ice cream. It was a simple night, and much different from how I usually spent mine, but I couldn't picture myself doing anything else.

"Can we watch Despicable Me again?" Ava asked as she stood up off of the floor. Her eyes were already drooping and her movements were slow and lazy.

"We can watch whatever you want," Naomi smiled and kissed her head, "after you put on your pyjamas and brush your teeth."

"Emily can you help me pick out my pyjamas?"

I was about to nod my head and smile when Naomi gently touched my arm and shook her head. The feel of her skin against mine for the first time since our almost kiss successfully wiped my mind of all thought.

"Emily's gonna help me clean up the games," Naomi said, Ava's face fell the slightest bit and she looked to me for confirmation. I glanced back at Naomi before looking at Ava and nodding slowly.

"Yeah I'm going to help your mum, but maybe next time okay?"

"Okay," she sighed before reluctantly turning and heading toward the stairs.

"Sorry," Naomi said when Ava was safely out of ear shot "but if I would have let you go up with her I wouldn't see either of you for at least a half hour."

"It's no problem," I giggled and began picking up the stray monopoly pieces. "So, why do you call her bug?"

She combed her fingers through her hair and a smile formed on her face "It was Effy who came up with it actually," she laughed, "when Ava was like a year old she used to sleep on her stomach with her legs tucked up under her, and my mum got her this red and black spotted blanket that she loved, and when she slept with it she looked like a lady bug. So Effy started calling her that and I guess it just kind of stuck."

"So you and Effy are still close then?"

"Yeah she's practically family. Besides my mum she's the only one whose been here for me through everything."

I felt a pang of regret and sadness at those words. Because even thought she was the one who pushed me away, I still wished I could have been there for her. I didn't want to get into that though, not yet anyways. I knew we had to talk eventually, especially if I ever wanted there to be a _chance _of properly being with her. But it wasn't the right time. Not with Ava upstairs and my nerves still skyrocketing from our almost kiss.

"So are you and Ava still coming over this weekend?" I asked instead, steering the conversation into what I knew would be safer territory.

Her face lit up and she eagerly nodded her head, "Definitely," she smiled, "Friday or Saturday?"

"Well I've got a date on Friday so we'll have to do Saturday."

Her smile faltered the slightest bit at my words, and I couldn't deny that I was happy to see that, "a date eh?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "With an apparently handsome bloke named Nigel."

"Nigel?" she raised her eyebrows, "but aren't you gay?"

"Not according to my mum."

"Seriously?" She asked, "So what, you're going on a fake date to make her think you've got a boyfriend?"

I snorted at the idea of that, "No, I'm going on a blind date with her friend's son so she will shut up about me not having a proper job."

"Being a librarian is a proper job!"

"Not according to her," I sighed, "and being gay on top of that is just simply unacceptable."

"She really doesn't accept it even after all these years?"

"Nope," I sighed and shook my head, "forever a bigot, my mum."

"What's a bigot?" Ava asked, walking into the living room with the previously mentioned red and black spotted blanket in hand.

I looked over at Naomi for help and she shrugged, "It's," she hesitated, "someone who thinks they are better than other people and judges people based on who they are."

Ava looked at Naomi curiously for a few moments, digesting her information, before brushing her hair out of her face, "can we watch the movie now?"

I laughed in amusement as Naomi stood up off of the floor, "Did you clean your teeth?" she asked as she set the monopoly box on the table.

"Yes for two minutes just like you said to," Ava smiled proudly and climbed up onto the sofa.

"Good girl," Naomi smiled and headed toward the TV, I tried not to let my eyes roam over her body, but it was a futile attempt.

"Emily come sit by me," Ava demanded, tearing my attention from her mother.

"Yes ma'am," I said obediently, getting up and making my way over to her. As soon as I sat down she cuddled into my side and spread her small blanket over both of our laps. It barely made it down to my knees and didn't reach her feet, but she smiled up at me with a proud innocent smile nonetheless. I found myself smiling back at her against my will, and hers somehow grew even more.

"I like you Emily," She sighed, resting her head on my upper arm, "none of mummy's other friends play with me besides you and Auntie Effy but Auntie Effy doesn't count."

"Why doesn't Effy count?"

"Because she's my Auntie so she has to play with me."

"And what is Emily then?" Naomi butted in and sat down on the other side of Ava.

Ava hugged my arm and looked over at Naomi as if the answer to that question was obvious. When Naomi just shrugged, she glanced over at me, with the same expression, before turning back to her mum, "She's my Emily," She finally said, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

The amount of adoration I felt for her in that moment was immeasurable. I just looked down at her face, full of honesty and innocence, and my heart swelled ten times its normal size.

I didn't know what I'd done for her to like me so much. I mean I acted toward her the same way I acted to any other child I'd encountered in my life, and none of them had even given me a second glance.

But Ava seemed to love me from the first time I came over to her house. And I felt the exact same way towards her. There was somehting that drew me to her, something that made me cherish every moment I spent near her. I didn't doubt that it had something to do with who her mum was.

I had been inexplicably drawn to Naomi since the day I met her. She was across the room in our year eight English class, sitting by herself and minding her own business. I was over with Katie trying to ignore her annoying attempts to get people to pay attention to her, and Naomi looked over to scowl at my overbearing sister. And then her eyes locked on mine, for the briefest moment, and for the first time, and the last time in longer than I'd like to remember, I saw the _real _Naomi. The glare slipped from her face for the briefest moment, and as her icy blue eyes stared into mine I saw the frightened, but oh so lovely person Naomi Campbell actually was.

She looked away almost as quickly as she had looked at me, and didn't look at me again until that fateful party where I _finally _kissed her. But from that moment, I had an uncontrollable desire to know her. I would have done anything to talk to her, to just be _near _her. But I didn't do much to stand up for myself those days, I followed obediently behind Katie, and continued to steal glances from afar, hoping that one day I would _finally _be able to talk to her.

I liked to think that Naomi was just as drawn to me as I was to her, and at that party in middle school I actually believed she might be. I had arrived with Katie, but she quickly left me to find more interesting people, so I wandered around the house we were at until I found a vacated bench in the garden.

Naomi came out a few minutes after I did for a fag, and somehow we ended up spending the rest of the night in each other's presence. We talked about anything and everything, laughed, and I found myself opening up to her more than I'd ever opened up to anybody before. It was easy, being with her. I felt it and I knew she felt it too. We had been touching all night, little shoves and pushes here and there, and we were almost to the point of cuddling on that bench, but it was me who finally made the move. I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and nothing else had ever felt so wonderful. It wasn't just a little peck on the lips either, we were kissing, properly snogging, for at least five minutes before Katie made her way over to us and ripped us apart.

As soon as she showed up Naomi pulled away from me, eyes wide with freight, and before Katie could even properly yell at her for 'attacking' me, she was gone. Running through the gate in the garden and never looking back.

We didn't talk after that again until college, and it was the hardest times of my life. Katie had started spreading rumours about the kiss, saying Naomi was a pervy dyke who jumped me, and instead of simply ignoring me, Naomi sent constant daggers in my direction. I felt terrible for the things Katie was saying, and I wanted nothing more than to just walk over and kiss the glares right off of Naomi's face, but I couldn't. I was still too scared to step out of my sister's shadow and stand up for the truth.

College though, was when things started to get better. At the time, it didn't always feel that great because I still faced her rejection more than once. But I got to talk with her. I built a proper friendship with Naomi, and the time I spent with her had been the best times of my life. Then we spent that night together at the lake, and at first, I thought everything was finally falling together. I thought we were finally going to just be together and not worry about anything else.

We would have been, if it was up to me. But unfortunately Naomi wasn't ready for the implications of that. She wasn't ready to love someone at all, let alone a girl. I tried to forget about the things that were said when I went to her house that afternoon. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. And thinking about it only reminded me about how much it hurt.

"Hey you okay?" Naomi's gentle voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head before looking over at her and smiling, "Yeah, just got a bit lost in my thoughts there." I glanced down and was slightly embarrassed to find that Ava had fallen asleep, "apparently for quite a while."

"Nah the movie only started about twenty minutes ago," Naomi assured me, "Ava never lasts long when she's got someone to cuddle with."

"Right," I nodded, trying to reorient myself with the present. I looked back over at Naomi again, her eyes locked with mine and I was immediately filled with the same peace I felt all those years ago. The peace of seeing Naomi for who she really is. The only difference was this time she didn't try to hide it. She was letting me see her. For once in her life she wasn't running away from the intensity that always seemed to arrive when we were together.

I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to cry. It was like all of the emotions I'd ever felt since I first met her ten years ago were rushing through me in that moment, and I didn't know what to do with them.

I did know though, that I really needed to get out of there. I could already feel the tears welling in my eyes as I gently removed myself from Ava's grasp.

"Going somewhere?" Naomi asked, slight amusement in her voice.

I nodded my head and avoided looking at her, "Yeah," I cleared my throat, "I have to get heading home."

I heard shuffling behind me and glanced back to see Naomi standing up, a concerned look on her face, "Hey, you all right?" She reached for me and I automatically flinched away.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice shaking as a tear slid down my cheek, "I've just got to go, I'll text you."

I turned and walked out of the room before she had the chance to say anything else. I knew she would be concerned, I would be if I was in her position. And the proper thing for me to do would be to tell her the truth, to tell her that I was just overwhelmed and didn't want her to see me cry. But I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to be I wasn't ready to open myself up to her completely again. So I had to get away from her before I was forced to do just that.

The tears stayed back until I closed her door behind me, but as soon as it clicked behind me they began cascading down my cheeks. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head as I walked through the dark streets, not caring much that to anyone else I probably looked like a mess. The mass of emotions I was feeling was too much, so I couldn't do anything but accept the violent sobs that were taking over my body. I didn't even know _why _I was crying so much. I hadn't even been thinking specifically about anything overly emotional. Yet I felt like I was back in that classroom, that garden, the lake, her front lawn, all at the same time, all over again.

I stopped about halfway to my house in an attempt to calm myself down. When I did I felt my phone buzzing from in my pocket, of course it was a text from the_ one _person I didn't want to hear from in that moment.

**_Hey, I don't know what happened, but I hope you're okay. Here to talk if you need me. XxNaomi_**

Seeing her message only brought more tears to my eyes. She was being _so _lovely and I wanted to be able to talk to her, but everything about our past made me far too scared to do that. So instead of replying, I turned off my phone, shoved it in my pocket, and continued to cry the rest of the way home.

* * *

**Sorry this ending sucks, wanted to have more time to finish it but i want to post this now and my friend is on her way up with tacos so i'm giving you what i've got!**

**sorry again for the wait! i'll put more up asap!**

**let me know your thoughts!**


End file.
